Partner and child
Hello, I don't really know where to begin, my head is a real mess, I have been in a relationship for over three years now and I have a son who is over a year old, me and my the childs mother live separate, however we are still engaged and planning on getting a place together, however through all the confusion of housing and work for my partner and college for myself, I only have my son stay with me every other weekend and on the other weekends I visit my son and partner at her fathers home, with her father, two brothers (one older and one younger) and older cousin, I love my partner and my son but I cant help but feel "out of the picture" while she works, her father watches him, then when I go to see him on what would usually be Friday until sunday, I am in a situation where I feel I am not the "father figure" that I should be as I am under the authority of somebody elses property... it has been a real issue for a while that my son doesn't see my side of the family enough. but it is ignored as we are "waiting on a place" my son cries everytime he sees my father because he doesn't know him because he doesn't get to see him often enough, same with my siblings and grandparents, recently, my own son has been getting upset with me... I feel this is the same problem... I am falling apart because I feel that I am being pushed out of the picture and I am scared that I will be phased out of y sons life, I am in tears writing this, all I want is my sons happiness and I feel I have no control over his life and I feel as if his grandfather has more authority than me... which I believe is wrong! I don't know what to do, I don't want to upset my partner by telling off her father, and at same time, I think he doesn't like me for some reason anyway. i need to stop typing this as it is upsetting me, wish everybody well, yours faithfully, Dentist.
Well I think a good solution to the whole problem is for you guys to get into ur own place as soon as u can so u guys can function as a family without having to be apart from each other or why don't they come live with u until u all can get a place?? Keep ur head up. Things have a weird way of working themselves out.
We live 10 miles apart and she will not move in with me because have a single bedroom house (with a double bed) she would rather squeeze in that family packed house and have a single bed which forces me to stay on the sofa if baby has bad night and needs in bed... Or if sofa is taken because her cousin is there (which is majority of the time) i will have to come home and spend less time with my son like originally planned. It would be nice fbi could just spend the day with him but I cannot because of the distance (and the factor that neither of us drive) also I would give anything to have him stay the night but she breast feeds and she claims he will not take from bottle but she hasn't tried him with one in ages. I feels an excuse for me not to take him from her for the night... Which in turn is keepingjhkm from me perminant...
it looks as if your partner feels more secure having her father look after the baby : maybe she's insecure due to you being in college and here working with no one to really be there for the baby
maybe also there is a father-daughter bond that needs to be broken : she is not daddy's girl - could be the father is taking advantage in this by putting you in the cold and taken authority as him being the "man" and you a "boy"
as Missjoni states : would be good if you could very soon get your own place - the fact that she doesn't want to come and stay in your single bedroom house seems to be also a reflection of insecurity : she puts security over love - which is understandable as she is being maybe a very maternal/protective mother at the moment with a young child - but the father should not take advantage of that : it is your job to make that clear and be a man about it