Strange kind of love ??!!!
My boyfriend recently to me that he loves me the same way he loved his ex. I was taken aback by this statement! When I spoke to my friends they feel that he was just trying to find a way to express his feeling, but I disagree. I think there is nothing positive in being said such a thing. Am I wrong?
Give the guy a break. He just said it wrong.
What he really means is that he has the same wonderful feeling of being in love again. Not WITH her, but he is experiencing feelings that he hasn't had for a long time.
I often hear people in their 60's and 70's say that they have "found love again" after the death of a spouse or divorce. It's hard to explain, but you know it when you feel it.
Relax, and make THIS love something special. You have made him feel alive again and he loves the feeling.
What did he say that statement of his in response to; how old is he; is he socially a bit awkward; had you two had a fight recently or have you said or done anything you can think of that might have put his nose out of joint?
He is in his late 40s; we were not fighting about anything. On the contrary, we were talking about us, our future, where we see our relationship heading. He's definitely not socially awkward, he's more of a social butterfly!!
Define social butterfly. And who was the one first raised The Talk, as it's called? (It was you, wasn't it.)
It was him who brought up the issue. He was basically telling me about his past relationships.
By social butterfly I meant that he's out-going, open/easy to approach and talk to, lively. He's basically the life of the party.
If my love ever said such a thing to me I would break off the relationship immediately. He is still in love with his ex in my opinion. Find a man who says " I have never loved anyone as much as I love you." I do not mean to hurt your feelings in any way but you deserve so much more.
30YEARLOVE: that's exactly what I was thinking too! That he's still in love with his ex! But I thought that maybe I was over-reacting or something, reason why I came here to get some advice. Thanks.
i dont think hes still in love with his ex. maybe he had a really great love with his ex and it ended and he never thought he can love like that again but then he met you and he loves you just the way he never thought he would ever love again. maybe he just said it wrong. give him a break in my opinion
(No, I don't think he is, either. I think he did a typical blokie style "push her away a bit" action.)
Tipssie, I didn't ask who raised "the issue", I asked who initiated The Talk ("where are we headed, in what order, how, how soon?", etc.) in the first place?
MUZZAH: Yeah that's another way to look at it!
SOULMATE: I initiated The Talk. He was giving a bit of mixed signal, like one day he said he wants A then the next he's going for B. And that was confusing me, so while we talking I decided to ask him; besides he always said that if something was bugging it's ok to ask!
(I'm back - sorry! Life's been very hectic this week.)
There you go, YOU initiated The Talk. Don't EVER do that. Relationships are the psychological equivalent of the two of you getting into a hot bath (sometimes that bit too soon after having vacated a stone-cold one).
Picture it...You lower yourselves gently, bit-by-bit, and do a lot of Hooh-ing and Hah-ing and Ooch-ing until those submerged parts acclimatise to the hot water whereby it just feels nicely warm...and repeat with every set of few inches from there.
By nature's dictats, men - the hunters - are in the driving seat during the chasing, wooing and securing stages and that's how they both like AND NEED it. If the woman leads during this fragile stage, they can very quickly feel emasculated (which has physical as well as mental results). So, he lowers himself another inch or two into the water and then you immediately respond by doing the same and by the same degree (that way you're always in-synch and face-to-face).
Next comes having to lower your respective 'bits'. Now you, the woman, have to wait patiently so that he doesn't submerge his dangly bits in one fell swoop (OW!). By having "the talk", what you're doing is PUSHING HIM LOWER DOWN AND IN.
Men are very energy-efficient (programming). "Two [or more] for the price of one" is a man-made concept. His statement about the ex was  a befittingly sweet and encouraging statement all mixed up with  his need for you and he to reverse your squat positions by an inch or so, just enough to give his danglies a bit of a relieving breather. That's why you were merely 'taken aback', not wounded to the core. It was like a bouquet WITH A BEE in it..."ooh, what a LOVELY-...OH!".
So what should you be doing in response? That's right, you should mirror him (like you were no doubt naturally doing in the first few weeks and months). So do that - back up just a bit, give his danglies a breather. If he sees there actually ISN'T any unnatural hurry, that'll lower the mental pressure, revert his feeling out of control to being back in the driver's seat. Not only that but, he'll subconsciously notice that his 'prey' has got a little loose and respond by re-tightening his grip for the sake of not losing his 'kill'.
Sense? And have you already since found yourself naturally having 'got out of the bath' by an inch or two anyway?
Soulmate: I think what you've said is worth reflecting on. Thanks
You're welcome. But next time he says something inarticulate and iffy-sounding, it might be a good idea to there and then just ASK him (in as breezy a tone as poss), 'Sorry, but that's just too vague for me, what exactly are you trying to say?'.