My partner has depression and its destroying us!
So i have been with my partner almost two years and we got engaged 2 months ago. I feel i have lost the will to live. Last year my partner got depression due to a incident that happened at work he was off work a long time and become someone i no longer knew. After 6 long horrible lonely stressful months i managed to get him to the doctor and he was put onto medication and returned to work. I knew he needed my support on getting the old him back however all i have done is stand by his side taking what ever he threw at me as living and being with someone with depression is the hardest thing i have ever had to deal with in my life. We started having problems in our relationship as he was pushing me away becoming angry with me and on some occasions got aggressive all over the smallest things and a lot of the time at himself over things he had done. He lost his sex drive and pushed me away emotionally that i sometimes think he doesn't like or love me anymore and i am basically his emotional punch bag. He is so distant sometimes that i dont believe he cares about me i feel guilty for being upset when he is the one who is ill but im in two minds whether he uses his depression as excuses for his poor actions towards me. I seem to get the blame for everything i feel i can not speak to him as he is not there for me. he has no communication skills either and this is a major problem for us.
We have the most amazing times together most of the time but these bad days he is having i can no longer deal with. I have sat down spoken to him about my feeling about everything actually and he says he will work on it but he still makes the same mistakes and as much as he says he tries i dont see big improvements and my heart can not take anymore.
Currently sat here this evening with tears rolling down my face taking deep breaths wondering what to do i am so hurt so upset i have lost my self whilst trying to build him and get him back. I love him so much i try my best to be there make him happy and i just dont feel good enough for him. I starting to think i should leave maybe it is best if he is alone then he cant hurt me anymore and he can concentrate on making himself better?
I have suggestest this but he says he loves me wants to spend forever with me and is always sorry and promises me he will change. Any advice or support would be appreciated i have no one to turn to.
I see that your partner got depressed after an incident at work but got back to work - do you know and can tell what the incident was about ? do you know if besides medication he went to see a counselor or therapist to get help in sorting out the problem ? because whatever the problem is - it seems to not be sorted : he is obviously not feeling well and it would be good to find out why - with things not being aired sufficiently - they end up coming out another way and so you seem to be the one to take it all on you
he needs to work on his communication skills in respect for you : just acting out is not respectful - you should not accept this : not in a stand-off aggressive/defensive way but for your self-esteem and self-Worth : set boundaries - you may truly love him but you have to respect yourself - maybe the initial problem reveals a deeper problem he may have with himself - if he says he wants to work on it - you both have to define specific things to do and consider - how to behave and react : be very practical and realistic - you want to see results and facts in a rational logical objective context
it is not you who is not good enough for him : you cannot save him from himself - only he can change himself - you could indeed decide to take a short break to get back in touch with yourself and rebuild your self-esteem : do you know why your self-esteem got so bruised ? he must not use his depression or whatever to make excuses : attitude and behavior are facts
your partner has to want to change - not just say it - and you've got to see the actual change by actions taken by him in attitude, mood, and communication : he has to make an effort to state how he feels and why - and take responsibility for that
it is not your responsibility for how he feels and acts - you can not change him - standing by his side is only useful if he is willing to do the work and appreciates your support : if he takes it out on you he is transferring what he doesn't want to deal with - if he feels bad - it is not your fault
medication seems to be not enough : maybe he needs to see a counselor or psychotherapist to get to the root of what is bothering him and work on concrete steps to take to handle the issues
you have to take care of you - this is draining you because you think you need to be in charge but this is his problem - not yours : if necessary take a break and spend some time elsewhere to replenish yourself and find your good old sunny self back
we can love someone but that doesn't mean we have to carry what belongs to them and be responsible and held accountable.
Return to the source. You know him better than anyone so try to know what it is that caused to him to be depressed in the first place and try to solve it. Little by little.
give him his space when he needs it and be there for him as well. I know it is hard to deal with depression but you love him and if you love him enough you will cope and try to help him.
I learned that everything passes, so this will pass. For a relationship to be stronger you need to stick around no matter what. If his sex drives is off, spice things up. be creative. he's human after all. .
Be creative darling.
Some people don't have the benefit of living with their loved ones. Maybe in this side of the world. but still, u are a very lucky person to have the benefit of living with ur loved one. to many many people. u r lucky
so count ur blessings. and try to work it out. u know him better than anyone. ask urself. do i love him enough to try and make him happier?
if u r. then try.
i know u have already, but if it didnt work . search for other ways. theres always a way, i guess