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Unemotional selfish husband

Posted by
on Nov 20 2015 at 04:28
Member since: 20 November 2015
Relationship advice My husband has changed since we've been married before he used to show effort in me and us but now he's become selfish and distant I've always understood that he isn't a mushy kind of guy but the effort to show he wants me and needs me not only physically but emotionally and mentally or that he's there for me in those ways

He'll have me do little things like draw on his back at night to help him sleep and I do even if I'm really tired but he can't rub my back

Or I may not have cleaned the house to the point you see your reflection in everything but it's clean yet instead of thanking me he complains about what I haven't done and makes it sound like I do 0% of anything in the house

Now I work and I'm a full time student who also takes care of our daughter 98% of the time I'm not perfect aND I'm not expecting him to be I just want a little understanding and compassion

Unemotional selfish husband
Reply from
on Nov 20 2015 at 10:32
Member since: 06 July 2015
Sometimes you have to be up front and direct. Make sure you have his attention and tell him that you feel you're taken for granted and unappreciated.

I would remind him of the little things you do like "drawing on his back" Where is my back rub? Tell him I work, go school, taking care of OUR children, and he has the nerve to complain that my cleaning doesn't meet your standards?

Tell what you said above: " I need you to SHOW me you want/need me not only physically but emotionally. I need you to put more effort in being understanding, show me more compassion, I need to feel loved and appreciated by you and lately haven't.

Suggest having a Date Night. How he response of course will either tell you he "Hear you" or he was just "listening "to you.

Unemotional selfish husband
Reply from
on Nov 20 2015 at 14:50
Member since: 19 November 2015

you need to communicate, he has to know how u r feeling and u need to know how hes feeling.

maybe hes under stress and thats why hes acting in a certain way. try not to fight. u need to understand each other

approach him in a good way, let him know exactly how ur feeling, hear him out. try to understand where hes coming from and he should do the same.

get to a solution if u felt theres a problem somewhere.

but do it calmly. talk about it like adults. and im sure u will be fine.

but with out communication. nothing will be fixed

and never let him take u for granted. if u let him once, u will let him twice and at some point he'll stress stepping on u because u let him.

draw a line.. be that woman

Unemotional selfish husband
Reply from
on Nov 20 2015 at 15:32
Member since: 10 September 2015
maybe your husband has some "mama" issues : sometimes men - as soon as they marry - think their woman is going to be their mother - especially if you have become a mother of your own chidren - there is this madonna-whore syndrome that can play out in such a way that now you are not the one to "get wild about" but the one that takes care of home (and him) - this you must not allow because you're a woman as much as a spouse as a mother for your children and you have a job - you both need to talk about this and find out what it is each one wants and needs for him/herself and in the relation - and take it from there : don't put yourself second.
Unemotional selfish husband
Reply from
on Nov 29 2015 at 21:05
Member since: 25 September 2015
Tell him abt ur needs in a much comfortable tone.
Unemotional selfish husband
Reply from
SOULMATE (moderator)
on Nov 30 2015 at 14:42
Member since: 19 August 2014
Write him a letter. ON HIS BACK.

Sorry, couldn't resist. ;-) But yes, agree with TDOS (implicatons-wise). He's happy to get away with whatever he can get away with, which obviously for too long has included you being the Giver and he being the Taker. For starters, it's supposed to be Give and Receive, not Take, i.e. "I do not love because I am loved. I am loved because I love".

It's taking because he has the chutzpah to ASK for things despite being all too aware he's not doing his own share of giving, even when you make a point of asking. So it's not like he wants there to be less interaction all-round on both sides, is it. Just on yours.

Agree you need to sit him down and tell him (nicely but in no uncertain terms) how unfair and greedy he's being.

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