Hitting rock bottom!
To cut a long story short. I was married, 3 kids. My husband had bad temper, put me down, my couoking, cleaning, decorating nothing I did was any good. He ran up large phone bills ringing sex chat lines for years. I was still loyal devoted, he seemed to pick on.our eldest son a lot too probably because he looks like me. I didnt spend any time with my husband I suddenly snapped one day started to like the happy go lucky man at work who cheered me up, I ended up having affair, well a proper relationship, but then husband found out, I moved out and we share children but husband has big house and I dont have much, im always there for my kids everyday I have hidden my man from.them as my husband wont have him.near them. I just cant move on, now I find im.pregnant but feel that I.cant keep it as it will upset too many people. Everything is a mess, should I have just stayed with husband and put up with his behaviour?
He was a cat-kicker, basically. And you were his cat.
"I was still loyal devoted"
Well, there's where you went wrong, then. Where was his motivation or incentives to cleaning up his act? What - his own strength, moral compass and initiative? If he'd had those to begin with you 'wouldn't be IN this mess (, Stanley)!'.
A proper relationship while still married is still an affair. Tell it like it is, please.
So you had an affair. Didn't you think there'd be consequences for that? Are you really surprised he's so bitter and acting vengefully? Not that I'm condoning his current reactivity, but, surely you can understand why he'd still be in that frame of mind?....especially as you never took him to proper task over his insufferable behaviour towards you all the time? I mean, he must have thought nothing was really wrong, everything just NORMAL. Certainly acceptable, going by your (a woman's) in-motion past opinion. Why? Because that's what you 'fed back'.
Are you and this man STILL having a proper relationship, and, now that you're 'single', one that's been promoted accordingly on every level?
No, you shouldn't have just stayed and put up. Course not. But neither was running away from the problem, starting another relationship on the side any solution. AS YOU NOW SEE. It's no more intelligent than being in the midst of cooking a complicated recipe and then, the minute the sauce starts to lump and other things start to burn and set everything out of synch, your response is to just WALK AWAY from that hob - taking with you whatever concoctions are still salvageable - and starting the same damn dish from scratch on another hob across the other side of the kitchen. Is that clever? What happens to the still-cooking now-mess on the first hob? Does it start burning and catching light and creating a right stink? There you go, then.
News for you: you kept the relationship (which you may or may not have started to realise by now) but simply inserted a different actor as your new co-star.
Is that the real reason why you feel you SHOULDN'T keep it? Be brutally honest, even if all you've been noticing are tiny little Pink flags cropping up. Because if you have a number of cotton threads that are tangled together, you can only disentangle them if they are real AND actually located in the space they visually seem to be whereby you can reach for and GRAB them and reposition them in their correct place. Anything else is just an illusion, meaning, you're going to end up constantly trying with your fingers to grasp nothing but thin air....which is going to drag everything out for faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa[wait]aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar longer.
Thank you soulmate for your honest reply, I appreciate it. I did try to sort out issues with husband for years suggested counselling etc, hes just one of those people who was not willing to listen or try. I think I was looking for an escape route or having some sort of breakdown.
Okay, noted (and you're welcome).
What about the rest of my questions?