How to fix my life?
I flunked out of college and lost my financial aid twice. so now I can't go to college because I can't afford it, I do have a full time job but still can't afford to pay it. I don't have the money; neither does my family to pay out of pocket. Joining the military to pay for college is a good idea (key word idea) but I'm too fat to join. I'm 5'1 and I weigh 216 pounds, and to join I have to weigh 130 pounds. I can't stay on a diet or excise plan to save my life. I'm 21 years old and I keep getting jobs that use me, treat me like crap, or have no place for advancement. Every time I try to accomplish something things just fall apart. Every time I think I have my life together, or feel like I have a grip on reality, things go downhill. I feel like I shouldn't even try anymore because nothing good happens anyway. I feel overwhelmed, stressed, nervous, hopeless, lost, and sometimes it feels like I can't breathe. like I'm having a panic attack or I'm hyperventilating. I messed up my life so much I just feel like walking in front of a moving bus. I feel like god hates me, I'm 21 years old and already behind in life. I'm supposed to have my life together or have an idea what I'm doing. I have no hope or faith and I feel like the life has been sucked out of me, at times it feels like it hard to breathe or wake up in the morning. how can I fix my life?
I would recommend you go travelling. If you don't have the money then get any job you can and stick with it remembering why you're doing it - to save up to travel. You can travel cheaply by doing work exchanges - there are various websites if you google "work exchange travel". Keep your mind open - I would particularly recommend staying with people who live alternative lifestyles because, even though it may not be for you, I think you'll find it an inspiring experience nonetheless and you'll probably learn how to de-stress.
I know it might not sound helpful but travelling will honestly help you "find yourself" and, although you'll have to spend some money, will get you to where you want to be much faster. I think it's the best solution for you because it sounds like you've really got to work out what it is you want to do and how to be happy in yourself. I hope it'll help you suffer through a short-term crap job knowing that you're saving up to travel - you don't need much so you don't have to be stuck doing it forever. Go for it. People never regret travelling and you won't either. Who knows where it'll take you?
Completely agree! Because it's quite obvious how you don't know what or who you are and what you like/don't like nor, accordingly, in which direction you should be headed. Actually picture it and you'll see how you're stood on the spot yet putting one foot towards north, then withdrawing it again, then south, then east, then west... you're just stood in the one spot, fidgeting in a circle and going nowhere, fast, like some Barn- or Hokey-Cokey dancer on acid!...and getting more and more DIZZY (confused). If you're dizzy you can see/feel even LESS where exactly you are or are facing - right?
An alternative is to save just enough to afford the fare and to back-pack around for a few months but after a few weeks of arriving at your first destination, get a part-time, preferably cash-in-hand job (bar/restaurant work, for example). You'll be too interested, inspired, busy and all-round active to eat more than is necessary, and probably won't even FEEL like constantly snacking any more, so will lose weight naturally as well as optimally rapidly. ...To which end, there are also websites where you can pair or group up with others (for the whole thing or just this or that leg of any journey) who don't want to (risk + insecurity/loneliness) travel on their tods. Plus there are charities working abroad that offer jobs... sometimes quite menial ones but where they're so worthwhile it puts a HUGE sense of fun and importance into them.
Listen, I know YOU think you're all grown up already but, believe you me, 21 is only 'the morning after' teenagedom, so truthfully you're still but a pip-squeak and not EXPECTED (not by the sensible) to know exactly what you want to do with the rest of your life this prematurely.
Who's pressuring you?
Anyway.. "I can't stay on a diet or excise plan to save my life." Or improve it. So clearly you're not a "make it to make it" merchant, but a "FAKE it to make it" one. That means that, rather than learn to swim before taking to the water, you're better off being pushed in (or going 'one, two, three, (no thinking,) JUST JUMP!') so that you have no CHOICE but to 'decide' to jump and learn to swim, i.e. you'd be better of putting yourself into the situation you want to be in or on the right road to it FIRST and then let your mind (and body) naturally respond to its mandate to quickly catch up. Your problem is not MAKING a change, it's making the DECISION to and then sticking with that decision. So you have a problem with the TRANSITION, the BRIDGE bit (between situation A and situation B). And because you fear it, you never tend to dare put BOTH FEET on that bridge, meaning, you've only the one foot, meaning, you never feel properly on the bridge ergo can't be COMMITTED to it and hence can't proceed over the thing and just stand there, as I say, doing the Hokey Cokey.
So Tamworth's suggestion to basically put TWO feet on the bridge and also throw down/ahead of you a well-spaced-apart trail of 'tasty treats' as your incentive to take the second, third, fourth, etc. steps is a BEAUT! So put it this way: just bide your time to save up enough for a holiday and return fare in one location and then take it from there, safe in the knowledge that you've got the return fare safely in your (or preferably someone else trusted's) bank account (so you can't touch it for anything else) the entire time....an in-waiting escape hatch, if you like, but one you can't use in purely knee-jerk fashion.
'God' doesn't hate you. Pff, wrong way round, mate! If you're the person/thing in-charge and can see special Officer potential in someone during Basic Training, you tend to take them OUT of BT and into the Officer Training programme, do you not? Just because you, the soldier in question, can't SEE OR FEEL that positioning of you, doesn't mean it's not happening. Special 'soldier', including a higher life salary, means extra tough training AND FOR LONGER, including extra tough (and disorientating) obstacle courses - your case, IN THE DARK.
Not even any lights? If that's not a vote of hopeful confidence from the powers that be, I don't know WHAT is!
Trust me, that is what life is: a training and proving ground. Unlike your man-made courses, however, you get to re-attempt it as many times as you like/need.
Like Tamworth says, Just TRY something. Something new. So that the "same ol', same ol' has now got a COMPLETELY NEW MEANING AND FEEL TO IT.
'Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results' - Albert Einstein. 'This thing we call Failure is not the falling down but the STAYING down' - Mary Pickford (- life LOVES a trier). 'We all make mistakes', said the randy tortoise as he climbed off the rock's back.