Post breakup anxiety?
Hey everyone, my GF and I broke up in the beginning of November. Both of us seem to be doing unwell since then, unfortunately. I won't get into what happened or why we broke up (unless you believe that it will help).
A history of my problem:
It began the day we broke up. For weeks I didn't feel like eating, couldn't sleep and cried for her every night. Things seemed impossible without her.
My problem now:
So now, she feels like I'm stalking her online and blocked me from almost all of her social media accounts (which I will admit, I was losing my marbles for a bit, but am over this phase now) but now I'm afraid to talk to her, She's been comparing me to one of her exes since the break up and it upsets me, but I'm too afraid to address this to her to try and help our corroding "friendship". It's gotten to the point, where I'm too afraid to say " Hello", or even "good morning". I see her profile online and my heart begins to pound and I begin to feel ill. Most of the time, deep breathing helps, but some times I could almost pass out from the stress and the palpitations.Its stil not easy to sleep and I feel hopeless and lost. Like I'm still trying to take in all that's happened.
I don't hate her, in fact I still love her. Most of this, I just try to bottle and keep inside, or ignore because she suffers from depression and anxiety (she's been talking to a therapist before we even met, actually) and I feel that's what ultimately ended our relationship (I don't blame her for anything. I also was a factor in our break up).
I was thinking of speaking to a therapist too, and am thinking that sometime in the future (if we end up together again) her and I begin a group therapy session or two. She's truly a wonderful woman.
Shes been feeling nagged by me recently, to which, in my defense I worry about her. I tried to be a friend and make small talk, but as I said above, I feel that she seems quite weary of me (or my existence). She's also been feeling manipulated by me, like I'm trying too hard to win her back. Truth is, I'm trying to reach out to her, because I'm extremely sure that she's been bottling up her emotions (hence the reason why she keeps comparing me to her manipulative ex.) And I still obviously care about her, about us. Am I caring too much?
Finally, I've been questioning everything that comes to me emotionally, and psychologically. The answers seem so distant and I've become emotionally numb. I'm afraid that I'm going to hurt myself, because its a constant struggle of "Normal day at work", versus "I hope a robber shoots me, so I'll know if she'll visit me in the hospital or not." I realize these thoughts are unhealthy, but these amongst other thoughts have been plaguing my mind
I'm not sure of what to do, but I don't want to leave her life, because I don't want her to decide that she wants to try again (not saying she will or saying that I'm totally her type) and that I've let her down again for leaving these emotions behind.
I'm honestly not sure if this is seeking advice, or if this is just a way for me to vent my stress as a cry for help but I hope that leaving this here will help me find the strength to temporarily leave her side to fix myself (and herself).
why not just back off and give her time
Give her an apology letter/mail/text if it was ur mistak and then let her decide however be prepared for any decision.life doesnt stop for anyone.time
Is biggest healer
U need a counsellor or good frd as lisner instead of psychatrist so dun break down .enjoy life and join uni where u can make new frds.u cn even post here n we r here wid u .so. Pls take care of urself and first realize urself that u CAN live without her (that is the truth) if she can live wdout u then y not u ?
*To MRS. UNSURE*
I've been trying. So far, its been 6 days without any contact and I only feel worse. My appetite is back and I'm sleeping slightly better. I just feel empty and longing for either her return, or my life to end. I'm not suicidal, don't get me wrong, as I still hold on to the hope that (worst case) she may reach out to me so I can help her any way I can. I've told her plenty of times that "I'm only happy when she is", and honestly that hasn't changed.
I'm not saying that it's her fault that I feel this way. My life has been rough, honestly, but that's another topic. It's just that I've poured everything into our 6 month relationship (and I'm sure she tried too) and tried my hardest to make her happy and stay by her side and now I'm left to face my demons that I left behind alone.
I've tried to talk to friends but it feels like they're just talking to me to just keep me quiet. I've never trusted time. As I said to Mrs.Unsure, I've lived a rough life, so I believe in standing for what I have left (which isn't much). Ive apologized to her, which made her feel guilty. This was not what I intended to make her feel, this was NEVER the feeling I've ever wanted her to feel.
I was thinking of talking to a counsellor about this, but I feel that it's pointless. I've talked to a counsellor about an "incident" between my mom and I, talking hardly helped. Time heals many wounds, but I feel the longer this goes on, the more lost, and uncaring I become about mostly everything, becoming emotionally numb again.
U hav to trust somebody and if thats me u have to trust me cmpletely.buddy break ups are meant to break us up but life takes turns and oncd ur folly can be ur enemy the other day or vice versa,ur appetite n depresion watever u call it will end if u start to think the other way.life is beautiful .blv me
*Reply to MEE*
Those I've trusted turn a blind ear to me, but you're right. I have to find and trust someone. It's just the only person I can trust to ease my pain right now, is her.
I feel that this break up isn't permanent. Like that this is only a long healing phase. I've been thinking about yours and Mrs. Unsure's advice. Am I just hoping too hard, or should I follow my heart again?
The emotional numbness has faded for now and I let out a good cry. Unfortunately this freedom only comes in waves for right now, but I should count my blessings, what little I have left anyway.
(When I said appetite, I was referring to my physical appetite, by the way).
I may try to talk to her tomorrow. Once I gather the courage, and shake off this feeling of despair and abandonment, that is.
Thank you both for the advice, and before I close this case, I'll share the results of the conversation (not the actual conversation, itself of course).
Ok do share .good luck
But once u ppl make a final break cut off from her completly otherwise u ll stick forever n cant ever be sincere in any odr relatn.
it seems to me you're taken in a relation where you want to be the good samaritan : you want to help her which is very kind of you but you can not help anybody ever if this person is not willing to get downright clear with her/himself - or maybe you feel as if you owe her - it looks a little like codependency with feelings of guilt and displaced responsibility thrown in here and there and this kind of game can last a long time - meanwhile it will take up all your good energy, fill your mind with endless thoughts going round in circles and embroiled emotions getting you down - I don't know the reason the relation ended but there most probably is a thread running through showing where the knots lie: you have to look at your part in the play and free yourself from anything that blocks you from leading a happy and fulfilling life- the anxiety and mild depression are normal : when there has been attachment it takes a while to grieve, find closure and liberation - the best way is to re-engage in life - even doing just small things for yourself - I would suggest you stop watching her social media and try to contact her : if she wants something from you I think she is capable of reaching out - give yourself (and her) some space and time - feeling empty is a normal passage: this space is to be filled with new life - just keep going one day at the time and take good care of yourself
*Reply to Thedynamicsofsoul*
Ive been doing this and am slowly returning to a happier place, and you're right. I am trying to be the best i can be for her. Not because im trying to be the "better person", because she deserves to be happy too.
Update: finally gathered the courage to ask her how her day was, which was crippling (my temperature dropped and began trembling with anxiety, almost literally soiling myself. Sorry, TMI). No response in over 2 hours. Maybe I haven't given her or myself enough time. So I'll wait as long as I need to, until she sends a response. Thank you everyone for everything. I may hang around to help others with their problems, it may make me feel better about things.
If that's everything, then this case is closed.
Whose day was crippling?
*Reply to Mee*
Nobody's day. I was describing the anxious feelings that I've gotten.
Which segues to why I'm commenting here. My depression has relapsed and may just cut her out of my life. It seems she refuses to acknowledge my existence. She says she's not ignoring me, but its been weeks since she's responded to anything that I've tried to talk about, or share over facebook (I've been on limited view for quite a while now) and it seems like she's doing better.
It just breaks my heart, because I told her that she's given me hope and a sense of belonging during our relationship and now she's making me feel useless and unwanted. Is there another way, than leaving her side? I promised that I would stay by her side, even after our relationship ended, but this pain is asphyxiating.
The only thing even if u want to get her back is leaving her alone everywhere in real life plus social media u shud act as u cease to exist do not post or share anything there even if u want to have a privacy on it .. One time she will feel rational again and think that where are u gone? So in both cases whether u wana continue or not u will have to ignur her this will also give u a secret power of having control over urself. It's difficult but u will survive. I was on edge of getting into depression and feeling suicidal but thank God my frds saved me they didn't know abt my relatn I only had good time wid them and I was so mixed up wid them and my whole concentration was my career and now when I look towards past I laugh at myself.
Give an apology,,,
Focus on what you can, to proved her that you are sincere in apologizing.
Maybe, the circumstance is not easy for her but your prayer will be a great help.