Am I really being unreasonable here?
I entered everything and all it posted was "1". So here it goes again.
I have been with my boyfriend for almost 3 1/2 years.
I was cheated on in my last serious relationship.
I have been lied to by almost every boy I have dated.
I was my boyfriend's first serious relationship. It took him a while to get used to being in a relationship and not single. Therefore, when our relationship started he did some things that were not appropriate (in my eyes).
He talked to some girl on the internet and wanted to go to the movies with her and then he ended up telling me he was going to stay home and play video games one night when I was going out and asked him to come. He ended up at a party at her dorm. He said he just wanted to meet her and see what she looked like????????????
Anyway, that was 3 years ago. The second yea we were together he had a bunch of girl friends from his university classes. He used to eat lunch with them at the library and blow me off when I asked him to eat lunch.
One girl even told my friend that he was stalking her because he found her number on facebook and sent her texts and would msn message her when he thought she was going to be at the library.
My boyfriend is a bit socially awkward and he never really had friends when he was young because he was a huge nerd. He has a hard time realizing the messages and social cues that he sends to people. On top of that , he is an extremely friendly person, it runs in his family and his Mom is the same way.
I thought this was all over and done with. Everytime I feel jealous he gets mad at me and feels like I am trying to limit his life and that I am being a bitch. When he gets mad he tells me I am crazy and I have no right to be mad at him for simply having friends. It is back again. Although this time, he actually sat down and said that he had friends from school and told me about them, rather than me finding out about them some other way. He assured me they were just friends and that he is not flirting with any of them.
How am I supposed to believe him considering my past and his past? He has 2 classes and group meetings all week with this same girl. He has her number, added her to facebook and is now planning to go out to the bar with her and a bunch of other people from his class. It seems like he wants to spend more and more time with her just like he did with other girls in the past. He said that he does not want to hurt me because he knows what I have been through and says that they are really just friends.
I have a hard time believing him and it is stressing me out. I want to trust him and I want to believe him but why should I? The last time I believed a boyfriend he was lying to me. Why wouldn't he lie to me? Why wouldn't he flirt with her? She is pretty and cool. I sit here while he is at school and drive myself crazy thinking about what they are doing. I know he will not physically cheat on me.. but I feel like he is getting emotionally attached to someone else. I feel like he is just telling me what I want to hear.
I am scared that if I stay like this all my life, I will never be able to be close to someone, but at the same time I feel like I have a reason to be upset. I want him to have friends, I am just afraid he is portraying the wrong messages to them.
Everything else in our relationship is great. We have fun and are always doing new and fun things even after 3 years. We have two little kittens together and I am generally happy until these things strike.
I need your help, I know this is a bit biased but am I being unreasonable here?
First of all, you shouldn't have had to wait for him to get used to the idea of being in a relationship, especially if he wanted the relationship too. In the second year, he was treating you like you were not his girlfriend. The fact that he stalked a girl at one time sends off alarm bells. You are being reasonable, but you are also stressing yourself out too much. Look, if he is cheating, you will find out sooner or later. I can't say what the right thing is...I'll leave that up to you. If most of your relationship is great right now, you could wait it out to see what happens. If you decide to wait it out, talk to him about it a little more, but indicate that you don't care about him having friends, just that if he has an issue with you to tell you so you know and won't have to be worried about him when he is with other girls. He does tell you about his friends now, that's a good thing, but he is treating this like it is no big deal. I mean, does he have any problems with anything that you do? How would he feel if you did the same thing with some guys you know? Woudn't he be suspicious too? If you think that you can't take the relationship anymore because of this issue, then you need to break up with him. If your relationship does work out, great. If it doesn't work out, then it's okay. Your ability to get close to someone is not the problem here, you just want this relationship to work out. I wish you much happiness and luck! TILES