Can't do casual, can I?
This is my first time using a forum to share my problems. Usually I ask a friend for advice or work it out alone. But right now I feel like that isn't possible. It's not a serious problem but it is constantly there.
I entered into a casual relationship over a year ago. At first it was just that, casual. Partly because I wasn't sure he wanted anything serious, but mostly because we lived in different countries. At the time I was in Spain, him in Italy. We met a few years ago and were good friends for 4 months, until I moved away and we occasionally stayed in touch. 3 years of this and he comes to visit me in another country. I assumed as friend, but he had other ideas, and I was fine with that! 2 months later, I visited him for a weekend, then 7 months later he came again. At that time, I was looking to change country and decided to move to Italy. I applied for jobs in his city and was successful. I have now been here for 3 months. At first, for about 4 weeks I stayed with him (and his mum) until I found somewhere to live. Him and his entire family have helped me so much since I arrived. However, he told me from the start, he didn't want a girlfriend. I never really got a real reason why, but seen as though I was ok with what we had going at the time, I was fine with that. Months passed and we acted like boyfriend and girlfriend. We went on dates (he paid), he picked me up, I stayed at his every weekend, we slept together and I even went to family dinners with him. But, he still didn't want a girlfriend. About a month ago, this got to me. I started getting upsetting as I was confused by the situation. How can we act like boyfriend and girlfriend in almost every way, but I wasn't able to tell people I had a boyfriend. I spoke to him about it, but still no clear answer. I don't understand! I have just returned from a 2 week holiday, and sort expected him to ask when I was free and that he would want to see me asap as he had said that he missed me. But instead, I have returned and he hasn't asked at all. It seems like he's not bothered. I try not to rely on him, but as am still new to the city, I don't have any other friends to meet up with. Also, from a bit of time apart, I can see that most things are on his terms. When he wants to talk on the phone, when he wants to meet. I really care about him, and he says I'm important to him too. I know he cares because he helped me so much. But I'm getting upset more often by this confusing casual thing, and I don't know if I should carry on, or cut it off. When we are together, he treats me very well and I love spending time with him. But I am scared I will end up getting hurt. Any outsider advice on this situation?
it looks like maybe he doesn't know very well how to communicate his feelings and thoughts : perhaps he's afraid to hurt you with "words not intended to hurt" (indecision) - also I don't know what his family has to say about all this and most of all : why is it he can not be officially your boyfriend ? you need a clear answer to that and if failing that - you will have to make up your own mind and decide to quit or what