Feel weird about my gf guy bff
So my GF has a guy BFF, she use to go eat lunch with him and hang out 3x a week for what she use to say, when started dating her it slowed down but what I didn't like is that
they would go eat while I was at work and we never hung out together. She says he was always there for her when she was going threw a rough time and is a great friend but I see
other wise I feel like she has feelings for him. He's not a bad looking guy very cocky and he's also in a relationship but what upsets me is when we have problems she goes an tells
him about them and especially when I told her I'm not comfortable with them hanging out alone, its not an insecure thing its more of a respect thing. He also drunk calls and text her
late at night knowing we live together, I mean isn't that something for me to worry about.
Both your GF and her BFF are disrespecting you and your relationship. Your issue is with your GF, if she continues disrespecting you then maybe this is not the girl for you. Tell her NO MORE hanging out with this guy, either you both hang out or no one is hanging out.
Tell her you will no longer be dis-respected, it's either you or him. STAND UP/MAN UP
Presuming SG meant no more hanging out alone when neither you nor his own gf are present - agree.
But just FYI, BEAR1016: (excluding gossipy types) if a girlfriend is telling someone other than you about the ins and outs as well as how she feels about any issues or arguments then there's your evidence to tell you that she's going to second-best because first-best won't give her a debrief (either whatsoever or to her mind's satisfaction).
How does this BGF's gf feel about their friendship and the manner of its conduct? How come this guy's got all this free time to be dealing with some OTHER woman's need to discuss thoughts and feelings? Is he, now that she's in a relationship with you, using your gf as some sort of Sword of Damocles over his own gf?
It COULD be innocent, though, as in, needs an outsider's more rational point of view to keep her grounded and fair-minded towards you. But so what if it is? She's in a team of strictly two, now, and should operate accordingly (again, if you are), meaning, if you WERE the type didn't like to analyse and dissect but that's the type she needs, she has the choice purely and solely of saying Adios, not exacerbating things by forcing a set-up you can't hack.
Or does a part of her LIKE that you feel threatened, for believing it keeps YOU on your toes? Could that be something she and he have strongly in common, perhaps?
Anyway, yep, agree with SG, you'll have to stand up for your needs rather than your wants or else there pretty soon *won't be* any latter (drip-drip-drip-WHOOSH!-"ABANDON SHIP!"
. After all, this equally could be about her habitually greeting you with a friendlily-meant yet still-intolerable slap to your face and refusing to stop. Would you stay put then?
It has stopped his gf doesn't agree with it either, and I told her my feelings about it but I seen her phone and she has sent messages trying to ask how hes doing and ect but he doesn't respond back.... So Im like is it me or does she have something for him cause clearly he stopped messaging her but she doesnt
Yes, I did mean no hanging out without you or his GF.
If rolls were reverse doubt it if she would stand for this. Does her behavior make you feel like your second-best?
Knowing that all parties are aware of what's going on, and her continuing to text him, means it's not you, it's her and YES she does have something for this guy!
So what are you going to do about it?
Apparently he has more respect for his GF, then she has for you.
I'm not sure it's so open and shut re romantic feelings. She might just be the type who gets on better with and now prefers male buddies and believed all his indications about truly being a friend. But apparently, no, he wasn't and I was right about your gf being his handy Damoclesiean sword first and foremost. We see that, I reckon, in how, now that his OWN lover has finally sat up, taken notice and slammed her foot down - WHERE IS HE? Nowhere, is the answer to that one. Sure, he has to cease the friendship but, couldn't he even have sent one final text just to say Adieu and explain his regret, not least to make her feel better about her so-called bessie mate just going totally AWOL, after all they'd supposedly (platonically) meant to each other...'thanks for having been a good mate' and all that?
I have to say, you see, that in this circumstance, push coming to shove, most women would have responded to the desperate development with desperate measures and finally let slip, as in, 'Why aren't you answering, I thought you and I had something special' (or something along those lines as posed as a come-hither carrot). She didn't. You had to impose a romantic context using your mind, onto what were just bog-standard friend sentances ('how you doing?'
Actions speak so - pff, best male friend my bottom (flippin' user). The only best friend those types have are called My Right Hand. :-p
You should actually feel somewhat sorry for your gf now, I think. Seemingly SHE was a good friend in the true sense, but all the time, unbeknownst to trusting her, he was an agenda-on-legs.
Nonetheless, she still should have realised how inappropriate the one-on-one friendship had become now that her circumstances had changed so...maybe this outcome is Fate spanking her bum for her inconsiderateness or ignorance?