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Relationship advice Found out my wife is have an affair


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I used to wonder what would I do if I find my wife having an affair. Three years back, I would be devastated and crushed!!! All kinds of thoughts would pop up in my head as to what I would do in such a situation. One of those thoughts would be to secretly take pictures of my wife having the affair, post it on facebook, send it to everyone in my wife's family, and put my wife to shame!!! And then get separated without any doubt!!!

Today if I find my wife having an affair, I would talk to her and tell her exactly how I am feeling and what all is going on in my mind. I will be open to listening to what all she has to say without any filters.

My sincere request to you is to TALK to her, and NOT do anything that you would regret later on!!!

One of the possible outcomes of talking to her that I can imagine is that she will say that she is in love with the other person and wants to get separated from you. The other possible outcome might be that she asks you for your forgiveness for what she did, and begs you to accept her back in your life.

Whether or not she wants to get separated or stay together; whether or not you are willing to accept her back in your life, I encourage you to just consider for a moment the possibility of "FORGIVING" her as soon as you can.

Now, the question is WHY should YOU consider forgiving her?
I am not sure what your situation is. In my case, I am emotionally attached to my wife and committed to my kids. I strongly believe that love and affinity between husband and wife is key to emotional well-being of my kids.

But EVEN if I was not emotionally attached to my wife and did not have kids, I WOULD forgive her NOT because I am a saint but because that is the BIGGEST favor I can do to MYSELF as a selfish human being. The amount of suffering that one has to go through when we are holding resentment against others is so IMMENSE that it can cause MENTAL and EMOTIONAL havoc, which would very quickly manifest in all areas of our personal as well as professional lives.

Next question is WHAT does forgiveness mean?
You might have heard of the saying that the only person you can change is yourself. One of the changes that you bring in yourself is to "Truly" forgive her. "True" Forgiveness means that you have absolutely no RESENTMENT left against her, and the only feeling that you have left for her is that of COMPASSION. Three years back, I would have thought this is ridiculous and impossible!!! Today, I KNOW for a fact that this is the best approach for ME and is humanly POSSIBLE.

What has changed for me in the last 3 years is the transformed perspective in life through some of the self-development courses that I have done, and would strongly encourage you to do one of the courses (takes 3 days and an evening), that I promise would open you to the possibility of forgiving her for your own good.

I will stop at this point. If this resonates with you, I would encourage you to openly share all the thoughts that are going on in your head right now so that I can speak to that.


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First of all, Don't blame yourself because all of us was born with free will.
Your wife is free to choose what her life is going to be.
If she chose to be with you then good otherwise if not, let her go.
Although he is your wife, you don't have the right to dictate her because she have her free will.
Additionally, a good family will not exist if there is no love already.
You cannot pursue your wife to love you, because she has her own heart and own mind.
Give forgiveness for whatever decision he will made.


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I did what you described in the "3 years back". I suspected her for a while. Then I found in her diary that she cheated on me. Suddenly everything made sense. I took a picture of it and sent it to his wife. I thought I had the right for revenge, that they made their own beds and revealing the turth can't be the wrong action.

I didn't wait for her to explain. I didn't give her a chance to be forgiven.

When she found out what I did, it crushed her. The ramifications of my actions were not obvious to me but they were way deeper than I could have imagine. But she did not shut me out. She did not deny me a chance of forgiveness. She gave me a shimmer of hope.

I am a monster for not giving her a chance before I rushed to destroy her. She is an angel for seeing through her pain and panic and extended a hand.

Don't repeat my mistakes, please.

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