Sister's husband messaging escorts
In a nutshell, my sister just found out that her husband had been texting and calling escorts. He denies that he actually ever met with an escort. She was going to leave him but now she wants to make a go of it and try and work things out. All this has happen in the space of a week.
My problem is that I totally don't believe he hasn't 'done the dirty', I think she is worth so much more than this and can't comprehend why and how she can stay with a man that would even contemplate going with a prostitute. I wouldn't stay with my other half if he did that - does that mean I don't 'really' love him....no.
She wants me to forgive him, obviously because she wants life to go back to normal ASAP. As much as I want to do that (for her not for him), because I care so deeply for her and want her to be happy, I find it near on impossible to hide my feelings - it really is written all over my face.
How on earth do you get past someone doing that to someone you care about? We have to be in the same room together over the next few days and I am so so worried. I don't want to lose my sister by not conforming to what she wants but equally, I don't want to give the impression that it's ok to treat her like that either. Me = terrible liar.
Could really do with some advice on supporting a loved one through something like this.
That's quite a pickle of a situation. Hope I can help with some advice...
As tough as it is to do, honesty is the best policy. She's family and should be close to you. As you said above, you wouldn't stay with a man, who would rather contact escorts, than remain faithful to you.
You may want to try and take a soft approach, as in ease into the topic. Maybe bring this up, when she mentions something to you.
She's your sister and will likely understand that you're trying to help her. She doesn't need that kind of abuse, and you shouldn't have to put up with it.
Try to see this as an outsider and not as a family member. I know he is wrong if he did it. But there are bad deeds all over the world. It is not like he did a murder. We have to give even the bad guy an opportunity to reform himself. Learn to accept things without putting any emotion.
Remember your sister already came out and returned. If things are not changing she will definitely take that final decision. So you don't worry. It is only matter of time. Meanwhile you show him the same respect as a bil.
Blahdeblah (great name, btw!) - tell us why you doubt he stopped short of the dirtier deed?
Likely that he's addicted to looking and thinking about them. I have been there. He probably doesnt see them believe it or not. Its a fantasy thats gone too far and can be damaging to his own heslth and mind. Id urge him to get some form of counselling and the will to kick the habit..but if the relationship is worth saving then dont break up because i doubt its hone as far and certainly as regularly as you think.
Likely that he's addicted to looking and thinking about them. I have been there. He probably doesnt see them believe it or not. Its a fantasy thats gone too far and can be damaging to his own health and mind. Id urge him to get some form of counselling and the will to kick the habit..but if the relationship is worth saving then dont break up because i doubt its gone as far and certainly as regularly as you think.