Where do I stand??
I met a guy in August last year, we both liked each other, made a lot of effort to see each other and things looked really promising. He owns and runs a very successful industrial bakery and is quite extreme in his ways so works ridiculously long and unusual hours which I knew and accepted. 2 months after meeting him, the lease was up on his flat and rather than renting another like a normal person he moved temporarily into his office! Too cut a long story short I don't know if he was just embarrassed but I didn't see him from October until August when he found a new home although I spoke to him and we msg'd often.
We now see each other every 1-2 weeks and it's great, we'll cuddle for hours on the sofa, he pulls me close and he's very affectionate kissing me on the head, massaging my shoulders asking me all about my day / week then we'll order take away and later go to bed. More often than not he'll be up and gone at a ridiculous hour and will leave me in bed (at his) and will then message me all week until he's got a night off and I see him again.
He often tells me how his exes couldn't put up with his working life and it just seems like he spends his life trying to put me off of him. I've told him it's fine and it really is. Some weeks I'll see him 3-4 times others 1 or even none (not all of the time with sex!). I want to see him all of the time but I know I can't and it drives me mad when we arrange to see each other in a couple of hours then he falls asleep but I would never get in between him and his business!
I'm currently living temporarily with my parents while my divorce was going though (it's done now
) and I have 2 small children whom he has never met and until this is a little more regular I don't want to introduce them to him. He recently told me he had plans one wkend then cancelled them at the very last minute and we spent the day and night together instead.
My problem is...when I ask him where this is going he will never give me a straight answer. He even joked not so long ago that when I move out and settle down he'll have to register me on a dating site! I really like this man but am I being really stupid here? Is there any future for us? Does he even like me?? Help please...
It will never be "regular" with him. Accept this, if you can.
(I date a guy who owns a restaurant. That's the "other woman")
This guy lives to work and not the other way around and there's plenty of people out there like him. He's never going to give up his 'true' love in life and his work habits have basically become a regime. You are an interest to him but his bakery will always come first and you have to be a very special person with a similar opinion as his is when it comes to work/life balance priorities. It's all very well for you to accept him and his business and never intend or want to come between them but the fact is that he will never allow it. He's shackled to his business and he will never allow you and anyone to come between him and his work lifestyle. His ex's are proof of this.
Your post states that he owns and runs a very successful business and this is because he has 'put in' and continues to 'put in' to keep it successful. Whether he does too much is a matter of opinion but when it drives you mad when your plans are disrupted or he falls asleep because of his work ethic, the writing is plainly on the wall. While you want and need a normal relationship, regardless of how much you understand of his circumstances, there's very little chance of your relationship progressing further than where it is now.