Marriage making me unhappy, not my health anymore?
AWINTERS14 - Dec 8 2015 at 20:24
I'm 25 years old and have been married for two years. My husband is a good man and my best friend but I don't feel we are anymore than that anymore. I don't feel any passion or like I am in love with him - I know long term relationships don't stay passionate like they were in the beginning but I find I'm just not attracted to him anymore.
I have a medical condition that caused me to be very depressed and I was still recovering when we met and when we married two years later. I am finding that the more my health improves the more unhappy I am in my marriage and the more I just want to be alone and work on myself.
I'm worried that he was exactly what I needed when I was depressed but now I am so much better he's not what I need or want anymore.
We are honest with each other and we have discussed the fact that I/we are not happy and we don't seem to be working together anymore. He has had times of not being sure about the relationship and really it's not been a good year. I feel like he is trying to lie to himself believing more time will fix things whilst I am more and more convinced it's not going to work. I do want my marriage to work but I don't want to settle for being adequately happy just because it's comfortable and because my husbands a good guy. I don't want to hurt him and I would miss him a lot but I just don't feel like we're meant to be together anymore and I don't know what to do...I want to be happy and start enjoying my life.
maybe you both need a break and some time to think about what it is you each want in a relationship : relations evolve - maybe your needs have changed - once both of you have taken some time to ponder - maybe you can talk about it and find out what it is each one of you wants and needs now for the future - sometimes two people need some breathing space even if and when they stay together - just to remind them they have a life of their own outside of couple life (I'm not takling about infidelity here)
regarding your depression (I don't know what your medical condition is/was): do you think you chose to be with him because you thought he represented what you needed when you were depressed ? what would he represent then now for you that you may not want or like - and why ? could it be you reject him because somewhere in your mind you saw him as a "savior" and now you don't need one anymore ? is he truly your partner or did he just fill in a "gap" in your life ? do you maybe unconsciously link him to the "not happy" part of your life whereas now you say you want to be happy and enjoy your life : hence the need to reject him ?
those are not easy nor comfortable questions to ask but nevertheless necessary if you both want to get down to what's really real between the two of you - he shouldn't do as if there's no smoke - afraid of a possible fire
you say you want to be alone and work on yourself : could it be you just need more time and space for yourself ?
There r some missing links.
What caused ur depression, ? Background needed
Are u a working woman?
Are you only not hapy in relation or this UNHAPPINESS is two sided?
Do u have started to have a new friend in this time?
Was it luv marg?
P.s do not go for so fast breakups. Ur age is less so may be ur harmonal changes r causing u to have such temporary changes in moods. But marriage is a sacred and permanant long lasting courtship. U both need to think
Thedynamicsofsoul - Thank you for your reply, the questions you ask really have me thinking. I think perhaps when I was depressed (I have an underactive thyroid, untreated for a long time which lead to me being very unwell physically and mentally) I wasn't thinking about what I wanted in a partner other than that they love me even though I was broken. Perhaps you are right when you ask if he just filled a gap and I definitely agree that we need a break. We agreed we need to try harder and have a discussion after Christmas to see if we are happy and what we want to do of not so maybe that is the time to suggest a break.
I have a lot of friends, I'm close with my family, I work, my healths good and I am happy....its just this one thing that doesn't feel right anymore I need to do something about it but it's so hard to know what's right.
MEE - thank you for your reply. There's some information about my depression above, I didn't have an unhappy childhood or anything but my condition going undiagnosed meant I was unhappy for a long time, from 13 for a good ten years.
I do work yes, really enjoy my job. I have friends and a healthy social life but I am not seeing someone or in love with someone else if that's what you were asking?
Good point about my age and hormonal changes, however I my health is monitored so carefully and regularly anything like that would have been picked up.