He's just not into me?
I recently met this guy on Tinder who is 25 and I'm 20. Ive never met up with anyone on Tinder before, but I've been in a dry spell for the last 2 years since my last and only relationship I had was when I was 18.
On the first night that I met up with this guy we had dinner and talked, to which he told me that he was acquaintances with my ex (and the guy i lost my virginity to/only guy ive ever slept with) which caught me off guard but I brushed it off, went back to his place and had sex, and I had no intentions of going back to see him since I wanted him to be a one night stand (& how many tinder guys are relationship worthy anyway?)
As I was leaving he asked to get dinner again that week to which I kinda just laughed at, but he ended up texting me the next morning so I thought why not just see him again I think hes cute anyways and maybe we can be fuck buddies. By the first week that I had just met him, I'd had gone to see him and go out for dinner 3 times already (which he has never offered to pay for which I might add) In this time I've learned that he is your stereotypical fuckboy, he has slept with so many girls that he doesn't even know the count and the last time he has slept with someone before me was just 2 weeks prior. Me on the other hand, has only slept with one guy who he just so happens to know, so that made me a little uncomfortable and something I def didn't want him to know
One night after hanging out/sleeping with him, I tried cutting it off saying well this was fun we both got what we wanted (sex) so uh dont text me after tonight lol
But then he says, I like you, I like spending time with you, I don't do this with other girls, I'm over sleeping with random girls now that I met you and basically a bunch of other BS (in my opinion) SO i continue to see him, and finally I ask him what is that you want from me? To which he always responds that I like you and I don't only want you for sex.
But my problem/question is IF he supposedly likes me so much, why doesn't he text me when we're not together? I mean if you claim to have a crush on someone don't you text that person? I don't know if its an age thing since he's 5 years older, and every time we are out together he is not the type to be on his phone all the time. We snapchat each other everyday, but he hasn't snapped/texted in the last day but I'm just gonna guess and say that its because he's too busy with finals this week?? I haven't seen him in over a week, and he's usually the one to ask me to hang out, so last time I initiated it and he said he had too much studying to do and that if we can hang the following night but he never even followed up.
Am I just being crazy or was there a lost of interest even though HE was the one to claim that he liked me? Or did I possibly scare him off by asking him twice what he wanted with me?
I don't think I intentionally made it out to seem to have such low standards, its because I went into meeting this guy knowing nothing serious can come out of it since we met off Tinder, an app infamous purely for hookups. I just ended up continuing to see him, and I'm just getting bored of it because if he supposedly likes me as much as he says, why doesn't he ever initiate an actual date this time where he pays instead of us just netflix and chilling, or texts me when we're not together? I'm getting tired of continuously seeing him but not actually "dating" if that makes sense.
Just because you met on Tinder doesn't mean that nothing serious can develop. While it's infamous for hookups, it's basically allowing people to meet face to face which is how any relationship begins regardless of where it goes. This guy may like you but his actions are speaking if he can't/won't take your relationship further. If it's becoming boring for you, then move on because he may like being with you but his words are just words. If he really needed to take your relationship further, and he was over the whole random hookup thing, then he would.
The previous poster mentioned standards, and you need to share your life with people who share your values and standards and you should ask yourself if this guy meets yours regardless of age and regardless of where/how you met. Why would you worry about scaring him off when he basically has dictated the relationship all along?
Agree with Susie and Manalone (and yep, don't blame Tinder, the mere tool).
"I'm over sleeping with random girls now that I met you and basically a bunch of other BS (in my opinion)"
And YOU can have a High Five too!...*if* you act on that highly wise and astute opinion, that is. But only a half-one. Because you're only HALF-right.
Here's the thing: In an experiment, a group of men and women were asked to comment on the attractiveness (that's all-round allure, not on-paper looks) of certain opposite-gendered individuals. When pre-led to believe that certain of the subjects had said they found the viewer him or herself/their photo attractive, the viewer rated them *significantly* higher than any others. Believing someone finds you attractive can generate attraction in you... which then creates a positive snowball effect.
That's what you've got here (or almost got), I think: him starting out automatically treating you according to the (cough!) nature of the review and recommendation from your (bleugh!) ex yet finding himself here and there being surprised thus torn slightly from that opinion and strategy (because of what he's been experiencing to the contrary - you at times most definitely NOT speaking and behaving like a good-time-only gal). HOWEVER, if - IF - he can treat you like a protracted one-night-stand yet STILL get a full relationship out of it, what (cough!) energy-efficient male is going to reject that dream-come-true and instead bother up-ing his ante?
So don't let him.
The only way to push him over that disbelief/convincements edge into the latter mental domain, with behaviour to-suit, this late in the day, is by showing that you not only find HIM all-round attractive, enough to last longer term, but YOURSELF TOO...and at this point, until proven wrong, MORE SO: "We, Her Royal Highness, choose YOU, you lucky, lucky peasant!....although, DO WE?".
Go scarce and inactive and refuse to have anything more to do with him, without supplying him any reason other than, 'Very sadly, this isn't quite working for me so I'm going to have to let you go'. Then play dead.
Only if he then pushes (he will) do you elaborate: "I don't give girlfriendly perks for none of the corresponding work, whatever my still-bitter and spiteful ex might have told you; I'm worth a heck of a lot more than that. And so are you, in my opinion. So that makes us BOTH idiots. Better that I be the one pull the cord than no-one".
That way, you've set your pricetag as well as put yourself onto the serious biz shelf, which then leaves him the decision between 'never see her again/try someone else' (free sampler) and 'I made an error in judgement - I'll take her!' (serious buyer). And then, by forcing things to that head - nicely and dignifiedly - you'll have indisputable *proof* over whether he was acting out of genuine unawareness that you're made of higher value stuff, i.e. just got stuck to that track, or would, given the chance, reduce even a queen to peasant status (because HE'S a peasant).
In other words, it's you - YOU'RE the one who's been giving mixed messages (in your actions as well as words). Me, I think he's in exactly the same frame of mind as you. To wit:
- had dinner and talked, to which he told me that he was acquaintances with my ex (and the guy i lost my virginity to/only guy ive ever slept with) which caught me off guard but I brushed it off, went back to his place and had sex
- As I was leaving he asked to get dinner again that week to which I kinda JUST LAUGHED AT - [*ERGO*] he ended up texting me the next morning
"Peasant!...no, she's a Queen!...no, wait, peasant!...no, definitely Queen!...no, wait!........"
You make YOUR mind up and then, assuming he CAN/DOES appreciate how you have a higher value than all of this, the poor, dizzy, merely mistaken little dear will follow suit. If that doesn't happen, you lost now't but a peasant ("neext!").
(Follow suit. Geddit? ;-D)
If he does admit he likes you far more than he's so far been letting on/too much to let you go and asks that you and he continue seeing each other but as proper daters, you'll have to get him to agree to start again, the pair of you, completely from scratch/slate wiped clean, with befittingly better behaviour, as in, re-start as you mean to go on.