Cheated during 1st month of dating, now 1 year later
I'm currently in university and met a girl who lives an hour away. We started dating into my first year at university and during the first month of our relationship I kissed 3 different girls, 3 different times. All of them were at a bar and I do not know any of them on a personal level. I have now been dating my girlfriend for over a year and we are in love, however during our first month when i kissed the girls we never mentioned love. Should I eventually bring it up? I plan to marry this girl however feel that everything could be different if she really knew what happened.
I think you should tell her, because it will haunt you until you do and you need to be honest in a relationship. If she gets mad at you, there's a scientific fact that says that if you love the person, you can only stay mad at them for 4 days. No more than that or you might be falling out of love. Don't make it look like such a big thing because if you do, she'll take it that way too. Good luck.
Do you think by telling her this will somehow ease your conscious? What reactions from her are you hoping for?
You say you did this because in the first month of your relationship because you and your GF had not mentioned the word "love". Your explanation or excuse for your behavior is just that and excuse. Could it be that you kissed these girls simply because you wanted to?
Why not chalk it up to a really stupid move on your part, and leave it in the past?.
However after 1 year you still have not been able to deal with your guilt if confessing to her will clear your conscious, then be prepared for any reactions she may have.
I hardly think you can call that - kissing around - at your age and stage - 'cheating'. Same goes for the insinuation that you and she were a concrete item when you did it. No way were you. You can say what you like and promise what you like during the first 4-8 weeks, but that's just the mouth spewing wishful thinking; exclusivity & committed-ness can't realistically apply until they happen in the mind, which more often than not takes passing the third month mark. In other words, at the time she wasn't even your gf yet, just someone you were dating and HOPING would become your gf, with the two of you thinking (and speaking) ahead accordingly.
If you'd said it had happened in the third month, THEN you'd have something to feel ashamed and guilty about. But you didn't. So what you did is what I call taking a last look over your shoulder - before proceeding with crossing the rest of the bridge from Casual- to Steady-ville. Highly common stuff. SENSIBLE stuff, in actual fact (albeit it's better done without actually TOUCHING these other seeming potentials), because it's you last-minute checking you know as much as humanly possible that you've picked the right person for you from the shelf before taking her to the check-out and handing your cash over.
So what are you - a moral prude and sucker for guilt? Or is there something else you think this unnecessary confession will achieve? I say that because nobody with any common-sense would accept what you did as fitting into the cheating category....which must include you (unless you're Forrest Gump). So, category- and agenda-wise, that means NOT a case of guilty conscience purging attempt and just an URGE.
So...Urge to do WHAT? Has she relaxed a bit too much whereby it feels like being taken for granted, meaning, you want to put her back on her toes as safely as you possibly can or something? If so, that's the supremely UN-CLEVER way of doing it because what you'd be achieving is making the episode FEEL CURRENT, meaning, you're risking getting the same force of reaction as if you'd actually kissed these gir-sorry, women (;-p) only last week.
Yes - "Eek!", indeedie.
Under the merely time-saving assumption my suspicion is right (i.e. you can always correct me if this doesn't apply): If your girlfriend's gone off the boil and started acting more like you're quasi brother and sister then, as the gas ring, that's your fault/remiss-ness. In which case, all you need to do is either turn the intensity dial back up to where it used to sit before your routine got over-adapted to (assuming you were even hunter-chaser to begin with, rather than having let her do it all?) or introduce brand new methods and slants, not upset her and, through her, ultimately yourself (and possibly the relationship) as well. In other words, if all you want to do is re-awaken someone then inserting a knife-tip into their chest isn't generally considered the acceptable method.
Try a kiss (and a cup of tea) instead, LOL.