Girlfriends behaviour changed
I am 57 and my partner is 56. We have been together two and a half years. We live 40 miles apart. Until 3 months ago I was living with my elderly mother after my previous relationship of 30 years broke down so I have my own house now and my partner has her own house that she has had for about 9 years. She is separated but not divorced and shows no interest in getting divorced although she only has contact with her former husband for family matters.
Until I recently had my own home,we would see each other every 2 weeks or so as she works shifts- long days and nights.We always went somewhere purposeful such as cinema,restaurant,show etc and normally I would spend the night at hers(at her invitation) we have always been very loving together....we hold hands kiss a lot and show affection to one another.We have had 3 foreign holidays together as she struggles for money and I don't mind paying although she does offer payment for certain things which I occasionally accept begrudgingly as she has one grown up at home,one at university and one living nearby with her partner and young child.My partner is called upon to do allsorts for her family ranging from taxiing people around child minding cleaning cooking etc.all of this on top of her demanding job.She has recently had joint problems which she has had to have surgery on plus she has an elderly father who she looks after who lives close to her.From the start of our relationship,I told her that her family must always come first as I was happy just to be with her and treat her well.
since I have moved though,she has seen me less. four times in 12 weeks and one of those was me going to her. I became worried(she says she loves me and texts or calls each day)
therefore I asked her recently if all was ok between us and she said it was....I cited the lack of seeing her as my concern.She then texted me to say that she would have to work more hours than ever to cover mounting bills and apologised for not seeing me as much.Then, on a later text she said she was sorry for not being herself as she was stressed with family,work and debts. I offered to help her with some bills but refused my help. My general feeling is that she has put a "fence" between us as we have not really shared any intimacy for three months.she sends me texts which sometime go into detail of her problems and I sense her dismay.other texts she sends have not much substance. I have told her I am there for her,but I would have thought she would want to spend a little time with me even if only a distraction from her daily life. I regularly buy her flowers and treat her as a queen when I am with her. I try to impress on her that I do not take her for granted ever. My concern and question is what do I do further.should I just sit it out and hope that winter turns to spring or should I be worried. I would gladly accept any tips or advice
This is your partner which makes you her GF. I agree with SUDQQSIE that she is distancing herself. Her life was the same 2 years ago, when she put effort into the relationship. She now says "she would have to work more hours the never to cover mounting bills etec. etc." In other words nothing will be changing on her part.
Relationships require time together, you continue to put all the effort into the relations, "trying to impress her, treating her like a queen" to no avail. She does have a very full plate, offer to do all the traveling by going to her, get a room close to her home/work, ask what else could you do that would make it easier on her. Can she commit to anything that would improve the situation?
People do what they want to do. If she really wants to be with you she would find a way. Texts even everyday will not sustain a relationship.
Hi I can offer some possible reasons as to why you have been seeing your partner less often.
1. Maybe she has got more pressures on her time now? You could find out what these are, she may not have realised herself. Maybe you can help her?
3. If you feel like you want a future together maybe she feels as though this is less possible if you have bought a house elsewhere? Does she find it difficult having a relationship 40miles apart? Is there anything that can be done to reduce the distance?
4. Her children will be close to her heart. If one child is fearful of you because they feel you are a stranger to them or if they feel like they don't trust you this could stop her from wanting to see you. Maybe you could nurture relationships with her children?