Please give me your honest opinion. I need advice
My husband is an alcoholic and a porn addict. However, he is able to keep a good job and make a decent living. I am on disability and make a lot less than him. We had a joint checking account and a joint savings account. He took all of our savings and transferred it to a private savings account in his name only. When I found out, I went and took all of the remaining money from our checking account out in cash. The amount he has in private savings is 4 times the amount I have in cash.
Now he demands that I put the money back into the account and says that he will have his paycheck directly deposited into his personal savings if I don't. We paid all monthly bills with our joint checking and savings. I suggested we make our account so that it would take both of our signatures to take out. But that doesn't stop taking the checking out and transferring it to his personal account. He says it can't be done. There must be some way to guard a checking account so that withdrawal can't be done.
He insists that if he makes the money, then I have no right to it. I know that legally in our state, (TN) he would have to give me half, but he would have no problem putting me out on the street and I wouldn't be able to afford an attorney. He literally has me over a barrel and I need advice.
There are a lot of details, but I don't want to ramble. :(
You must educate yourself on the divorce laws in your state. Get informed knowledge is power,being informed regarding your martial rights will put you in stronger position. Normally you're entitled to half of all assets,property, spousal support, portion of his retirement. Widow Death Benefit should he die before you . Being disable may afford you additional considerations . Since your income is far less then his, he may have to pay for your legal fees. SO GET INFORM!!!
You should contact legal aid service or family law attorney sometimes the first consultation may be at no charge. Don't just ASSUME he holds all the cards he doesn't.
Keep a diary regarding what's going on, his comments, threats, keep this info in a place he would never have access to (post office box,friend/sister home/if on computer make sure it's Fort Knox protected.
Don't be intimidated, you should keep the money you have. Having his paychecks go to his personal savings means he threatening what? Not to pay the bills? Be prepared to take his bluffs. Take more control over the situation, decide which bills you're willing to pay and pay them from your own separate account. Set up your own savings account-(1/3 to savings 2/3 to expenses) you must plan ahead and start protecting yourself.
Do not co-mingle money at this point. Stand FIRM.
Hi -I can't offer you advise, just a different, outsiders perspective.
So your husband has removed the savings to his private account. I can understand you must be feeling angry. Why has he taken the money out? Did he feel that you were going to spend it all yourself? You must also feel slightly relieved that he has not simply spent all of the money in one go already -he has put it into the bank.
I guess men feel a need to protect and feel financially capable. Maybe you could ask him if he did this in order to feel in control of the money? Maybe deep down he was trying to make sure he could protect and support you by making himself in control of the savings? Did he realise that you would be hurt by his lack of trust in continuing sharing the savings together?
You say he is an alcoholic and porn addict. Maybe he took the savings into his private account because he feels that you have lost trust in him? Maybe he thought you would take the money yourself because your worried about his addictions or have lost trust in him? Has he been diagnosed with alcoholism or porn addiction? Maybe you have made assumptions, maybe he needs help with these things? Could you find advise online about helping him with these problems? Maybe the money is safer if you both trust each other and he finds help for the problems he has.
At the end of the day your love for each other is why you depend on each other and not the money. Maybe you could tell him that you love him, but that this has spoilt you trust in him. You could tell him all the reasons why you love him, all the reasons that are have no bearing on money, and did he mean to hurt you?
When your husband said "if he makes the money, then you have no right to it" didn't come across to me as his way of being protective of you as being protective and controlling over his money.
It's better to have your eyes wide open, than to be naive about your situation.