Am I a bad person?
I'm looking for an outside opinion to my problem. My husband and i have been married for seven and half months, but we've been together for 5 years. Two of those years were in New York, but the last three years have been long distance because he was in the military and they re-stationed him to Louisiana. Originally, he wanted me to come (he assumed i would come, but he never asked me), i declined because my husband idea of a plan is that it will all work out eventually. Then i found out i was pregnant with our first daughter, but we agreed that it was better for us to live separately because of finances. He flew up mostly to see us and i went to Louisiana three times since he's been there. When we found out were were pregnant with our second daughter, he decided that it was time for him to leave the military. We worked out a strategy that after our daughter was born i'd go right back to work and then he would go to school and use his GI bill to help support us. After we got married he kept complaining about how my job didn't pay enough and i could only support myself on it. I decided since it was putting stress on my pregnancy and our marriage i left it and stayed in Louisiana with him all summer so he could enjoy our pregnancy for the first time (he only came for the birth of our first daughter. So he wanted to see me pregnant this time around). while i was there he expressed his fear of leaving the military after 14 years without a job lined up. i told him it would be fine because he had a severance to cushion us. He talked to his CO and his CO convinced him to take a federal job that has him doing exactly the same thing he did in the military only there is a 1 year probationary period where he has to take a $5,000 pay cut. After that he was in the federal system, where he'd get a promotion and raise, and he could work where ever he wanted to, which he'd leave up to me to choose where we moved to next. When he brought it about to me, i told him not to take it because 1. he'd be making less than the job he just told me to leave, 2. we'd be in Louisiana where i have no friends or family and we'd have to share my car, 3. he still would have to travel and that would leave me alone with a newborn, two year, and a 85 lbs pitbull; when i have a history of depression and postpartum. We argued and he took the job anyway; he told me i just needed to get over it. i came back to New York to have my baby so i'd have support during the recovery, but he had to stay in Louisiana until the birth because of his new job. last week one of my good friends recommended me for a job that would pay double what my husband makes now. i asked him if i could go to the interview and he encouraged me to go. there is a very strong chance i got the job, but it would mean that we'd be separated again until November, when his probation is up and he can take a job anywhere. when i talked to my mother about my problem she told me my husband had already called her and told her that he was upset that i went to the interview and that i was being selfish. He also said i did not understand that i had to put my family first and family should always stay together, but i wouldn't have been raised to think that way because every woman in my family is divorced. He hoped i didn't get the job but he couldn't tell me how he felt because i was immature and it would just turn into an argument.
To say i was pissed would be an understatement, because he wasn't honest with me, and once again he was talking about me to my mother behind my back; also, he was being a huge hypocrite. The only reason why i have not brought up what he said to my mother though is because i'm starting to feel like maybe he is right. All my friends and family say i should take this job, but they are like minded people and i know all my husband really wants is his family together for once. Am i really being selfish to want this job?
Here's my opinion:
You have put HIM first by being a good military wife. You have made sacrifices and adjusted to his work schedule - you really have not lived together as a family unit all this time.
Now it's his turn to think about the future and be flexible in what you BOTH need to do to get yourselves positioned for the future, financially and emotionally.