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Family problem

Posted by
on Dec 16 2015 at 00:45
Member since: 16 December 2015
Emotional advice Well i have a grandmother whom i love and loves me a lot. But the problem is that we were never close i never really new her personally because she was abroad while i was in my country . But she was there for me mostly financially and she would sometimes call to check on me. Shes had been trying since i was two yesrs old to get me to where she was but somehow getting the visa was really hard. Until finally the only option was to adopt me and it happened maybe 3 and a half years ago . in my country i didnt have a mother and a father i never knew them . All i knew was they had there own problems . I had to live with my great grandparents(grandmother's parents) from 4 to 15 so i guess i dont know how or what it feels to be in an immediate family. The worst part was when i had to move with my grandmother she as well unfortunately didnt really know that much on hos to be in a family because when her kids was growing up she was overseas working so they didnt have a close bond . So right now basically me and her have been living together for 3 years and we just cant have a great relationship like she tries to be close with me but i just cant im so Independent and dont know how a family works. And shes forcing me to act like a perfect son that i just cannot do . I dont know what to do anymore . I need someone to talk to please. I know my story is probably confusing but hopefully someone understood it.

Family problem

Reply from
on Dec 16 2015 at 11:08
Member since: 10 September 2015
she can not ask you to play the "perfect" son : first of all she is your grandmother and not your mother and you are no longer a child - besides you are very used to being on your own and independent : you have to quietly and calmly explain this to her with kindeness

your grandmother seems to not have had a very succesful family herself : maybe now she somehow wants to make it "alright" and puts the pressure on you - you both can not change the past but you can work at making the present and future a good one

a family is a unit where people are supposed to collaborate - a family is supposed to be made of individuals having more or less the same values and views on life : even if many things can seem opposite (and often do) on the surface of everyday life - the underlying basic values shoud be compatible

a family is a place where one is supposed to be able to be genuinely and honestly oneself and speak freely and openly about any subject

this is the theory : in practice there are often a lot of adjustments to be made - people change - situations evolve

that's why she must "cut you some slack" and you understand where she is coming from - communicate, communicate and communicate some more : that is key to any sucessful relation

I wish you the very best :)

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