Christmas break with ex?
So I am a college student and I don't have a family/home to go to for Christmas break. I asked a few friends but nobody would let me stay with them. My ex asked me to stay with him. We ended things about two months ago because he cheated on me. We worked things out though-as well as you can in that sort of situation. And we're pretty good friends again. After he asked me to stay with him (because he wants me to meet his family) my best friend asked me to come home with him. My ex and my friend don't get along very well. They kind of hate each other. I want to go home with my ex cuz I still love him and the unreasonable part of me still longs for us getting back together. But at the same time, I don't want to get hurt or do something I'd regret with my ex. So to avoid that I could go with my friend. I don't know what to do. Advice?
Well he did cheat on you. Maybe think back to that time and see if there were any reasons that would justify his actions. Maybe he was going through a really rough time. It's in these kind of times that we make really stupid decisions because we feel vulnerable. Maybe that's how you're feeling right now. I'm not saying that him cheating on you is ok, because it's not, but you know the situation better than me. You said so yourself that your unreasonable side wants to get back together, but you don't know for sure what might happen. Honestly, if you're having doubts about him just don't risk anything. It's better to be safe than sorry.
Two choices, both seem to be USING you, not really beneficial for you.
I'm sure there are other kids on campus in the same situation as you. Why not find them and become friends with a whole new group?
Once a person is able to get over their conscience and cheat on you once, it's easier to cheat on you again and again, just like a murderer. He might find happiness and be faithful with you, but the chances of that happening especially so soon after you breaking up are very very slim.
Take it from someone who wasted nearly 2 years on a guy who cheated over and over, cried crocodile tears, and said he'd change. They don't change.
You said you asked several friends and they wouldn't let you stay with them, but then this friend, who hates your ex, said yes all of a sudden. If this friend said no before the ex invited you to spend Christmas with him, I would take it as your friend just not wanting you to go to the ex's (and for good reason). I would be hesitant to stay with the friend, though, because they might just be doing it because they feel like they have to, not want to. But if this friend said to come stay with them before finding out about your ex's invitation, I would go stay with the friend and enjoy yourself.
I know how hard it is to be stuck in a dorm on the holidays. The most important thing is to still treat it like a holiday for yourself. Make yourself go to the local holiday stuff in the community and find the group of kids who also stay at school. Keeping yourself locked away will only be depressing, no matter how anti-social you are normally.
Good luck and remember to stay strong.
Cheating when dating is not really cheating. There are no legal ties. If the other partner who got cheated on met someone at gathering, and went out with them, they would be free to do so, for the other one cheated. So it works both ways. Since it's not legally binding, both are free before marriage to meet other people and go out with them if they choose. So it's freedom both ways.
Now, I guess, there is a form of cheating to date others while "going steady" with another partner. But it just prepares you for marriage. It's a joke, sheeche!!! It's sounds like I've been through a marriage where my wife cheated on my over 2,000 times, by my figuring, when you figure how many times a week she cheated (average 3 I'll guess) for 16 years.
I rem. the first time my wife, before we were married, told me she had sex with someone on the first date, after I had done something she didn't like. I envisioned my empty apt. on the night we dated, and me being there instead of dating her, and I dec. I'd rather date a woman who had suck-punched me than be alone in my apt. that night a week.
Well, I dated her, I married her, and I regretted it. But on the other end of the spectrum, I would have been alone all my life, but how bad is that compared to being cheated on over 2,000 times, and couldn't get out of the marriage after finding out because of having a child and buying a house together? Tough choices.
On one side, you probably aren't going too find anyone who's perfect. If they don't cheat on you, they're going to drink too much, and cheat on you. It's joke! No it's not.
On the other side, if you drop the cheater, you might find someone who cheats twice as much.
Three, where are you going to find someone who's perfect?
I would con. going with your ex. and having a good time. I would ride that horse (figuratively, of course, or literally, if it's more fun), until the horse lay dead, exhausted, and then find another horse.
At least, it will settle the question of the lonely Christmas holiday.
Of course, you're not going to be lonely. Just without sex during the holidays. So, you're at the same juncture I was many years ago when I girlfriend told he she had just had sex on the first date with a guy she had never met before. I was where you are? What to do? Be alone the rest of your life or give up some of your principles?
I don't know the answer, either. I didn't then, I don't now. Can you have any kind of fun with your friend, or is it just paternalistic?
Of course sex is a question, also. Since my wife died of a long illness 6 years ago, I realize if I have sex that throws the relationship into a whole new realm. What if she drops me, what if I tire of her. So, while sex seems to be the solution, it also causes problems.
You're living proof. Even casual sex with your friend could be a problem. What if you two become an item? What if he cheats on you?
You're back to square one. I think you should do whatever you think you should do.