How can I get her to go out with me
So i have been talking to this girl that works in the same mall that I do and the day before Halloween there was a foam party that she had free tickets for, she told me about it a week before and I told her that I would have to get someone to take my shift. I normally don't go for electronic music but I was really digging her, I couldn't find anyone who could take my shift so I had to say no.
Since then we did talk more and txt probably every other day and go to the food court and she responds well when I flirt and tease her, but I have tried making plans with her and most of the time she says maybe and will let me know the day of, then she always says she's going out with her friends and like i'm saying this has happened everytime I try to take her out and I would feel stupid if I had to ask again, and I never felt so desperate before but she's easy to talk to, we have a lot in common, she says she likes my style, and she is kinda a private person (she always says she doesn't let anyone in her house), but i'm wondering if I should stop trying to see her away from work or should I continue my pursuit.
Well, in my long experience, I have learned to relate to and associate with people who respond to me; it's a two way street. I'm a woman and the "old way" when I was growing up was "Chase a guy until he catches you." Women/girls never, ever asked a guy out. So we were taught to be very "subtle," "cute" and alluring, so the guys would come our way and ask us out. It sounds to me (maybe this is not the way it is, so forgive me if I'm wrong) that you may be using a similar approach from the male point of view. "If I attract her enough, she will go out with me....if I keep pursuing her." A therapist once told me this good advice. "Put up a trial balloon" (so to speak) by talking about yourself. Tell something personal, like maybe something you like to do. You can try this with the girl you want to date. Does this person respond with something she likes to do? Or of course you might share something else...any other personal stuff, but at first do not go deep into what you believe about stuff, or pain in your background, etc. If the person does not share anything about herself, or in some way "pops your balloon," you two are not compatible. Go find another friend or date. Go on to someone else. It may take a while to find this kind of friend/companion/date/mate. Perhaps you could try this approach until you find a two way street type of person. I wasted a lot of decades with men who did not treat me well. It was not a two way street type of relationship, because I was raised in a family where nobody had any say except my dad. Now, I have a wonderful partner/companion/friend/significant other. We never fight. We've only had two significant disagreements in the four years we've known each other. (We don't live together, either, which may be why.)
I forgot to add an important follow up the therapist told me about. If the person accepts, responds, and shares something after your first "trial balloon," send up another balloon, with a little more information about yourself, the therapist said. Gradually build a two-way relationship that way. (Sometimes relationships end. Then just start the process again with a new person.)
I greatly appreciate your response,and your advice sounds alot better than some of my female friends who just told me I should just keep her in the friend zone.