One sided much?
I am in a long term relationship (2 1/2 years) and have moved in with my gf about a year ago. She is the most amazing person I've ever met but she's also the most controlling and manipulative person in the world. I can't do anything unless she approves it or tells me to. I have an issue with saying no, I know that, but every time that I have managed to say no. I end up being the bad guy.
Scenario: I get home from work and she's in bed playing a game on her laptop. I say hello and kick off my shoes, get in and grab my laptop. I begin loading a game to play and she'll look over and then just as the game has finished loading she'll say can we watch something. Then I ask what she wants to watch and she doesn't know what she wants to watch.
Is this me being silly and not saying no or is this something that she needs/could change?
I really struggle to say no. My psychologist says its because I have too much empathy for people asking, but I am getting better at saying no.
Back to subject, is she being controlling? or am I just too sympathetic?
in the example you give it looks like she's looking for an opportunity to play her "powers : like she sees you loading a game and as soon as the game is loaded she proposes a movie - not knowing what she would like to watch - just to see what you will do and propose : this looks like a game to me to "surprise" you and see what you'll do - a game that could turn into a power struggle - and it does because when you say "no" or what you want - then suddenly you're not playing her game anymore and then you're the bad guy because you're not doing as and how she wants
even if you're an empathic person - that is no reason to give in to whatever - just because you "feel" so much : or is it more that you can "feel" her wanting to be in charge and you not wanting confrontation or trouble of any kind ? afraid of putting yourself on the line ? we might want peace and harmony in a relation but not at any cost
I get this feeling that she wants to "test" you : to avoid falling into power struggles you have to show clear boundaries for each specific situation - calmy and with poise - not looking for a fight or what but just because it's you and you deserve to be you : it's as simple as that
relations are besides being it about love - also about deals and how we seal deals, handle deals, update and upgrade deals or make new ones - to counter her need for power plays - I suggest you set in place this habit of making deals - even if it were only for one specific thing about which you both need to agree - just to see if she can raise above her need to overpower and set - with you - an objective rational factual concrete deal