Be patient, or walk away?
My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. He is 33, and I am 29. We live together, but only because we became roommates first who didn't know each other.. Then started dating and so on. He is a very interesting case.. His last ex and him dated for about a year and a half. He told her he loved her. They took trips together. She was more his style than i think i am.. She is still in his life as a friend. (Something I hate, but wont stop him from seeing her because I think thats crappy.) I hate it because I am insecure. When we started dating, he told me he told himself, he would never be in another relationship again. That he is better off by himself. He doesn't want to put anyone through his issues again. He doesn't want to live in a partnership with anyone ever again... (He lived with his ex ex, for 2 years.) That he just wants to be by himself. (I know, i should have turned and ran there.) He has also told me that he loves me, but not in the right way. He's not in love with me and he's not sure he is capable of loving someone in that way ever again. This kills me because I KNOW he has told both exes he loves them. ..yet he says he cares about me more than anyone in his past. And anytime we fight about something serious enough, and i ask him if he wants to still be with me, he always says yes. What do I do here? He is so sweet to me.. I honestly think he might be slightly autistic. He is an artist, suffers from depression too. He really is the sweetest guy though to EVERYONE. Such an old soul, and incredibly charming to everyone he meets. He is not meant to be alone, I tell him, because he has so much gentleness and good and love inside of him. I love him. He knows that & I think it hurts him that he "cant" give me what I want to hear. We are good most of the time, and I try to convince myself that those 3 stupid words are just that: stupid. He shows me he loves me, does he need to say it? I can tell he tries to make me happy and lets me talk/rant about anything I need in a mature, awesome way that calms me down. I just wish he would love me, and forget whatever seemingly broke him in his past. Any advise is welcome. Thanks for listening.
it seems he cares about you but doesn't love you : maybe he doesn't want to hurt you with the fact that he doesn't really love you and doesn't know how to cope or what to do
you can not make him carry this weight - it is your responsibility to decide whether you want to stay with someone who is not capable of love at this point
you say he is not meant to be alone : do you want to be his "savior" and make him find back his way to love ?
people change when they are ready - you can not make anything "go another way" for another even when you're over nice, caring, loving and all
he has to deal with his past : you can not intervene on that point - as much though as you may wish a resolution
he must look at why he suffers from depression and what he intends to do about it
maybe you're looking for "another kind of love" - his 'love" for you is maybe more a genuine, kind and caring true friendship : don't ruin that :)