Fiance feels lonely living with me in my home town
Hi there sorry in advance for it being so long!
My fiance and i met six years ago when he moved into my student house to be with his best friend.
Fast forward to two years ago and we had moved back to my home town we have a house, cat and are due to get married this coming year.
He always said that he never wanted to move back home as it drove him mad and was very happy for us to move here and set up our life together.
Fast forward again to the present day and he feels lonely empty like he has no connections any more.
He misses his family, his friends, but still doesnt want to move home.
He has anxiety and is a fairly introverted person so he has people who he knows around here but noody he would say are his friends.
Nobody to spend time with when im not around and nobody to see when he fancies time away from me.
I want him to be happy and I am desperate to help but i dont know what to do as most people i have asked have just said he will get there or he needs to be more out there but thats not him.
Any advice would be amazing thank you.
TLDR: My fiance feels lonely living away from family and friends but doesnt want to move back to his home town.
Hi Louise. I can kind of relate, to your fiance.
About 6 years ago I also met my wife, and I came from a small town while she lives in a much bigger, much more confusing area. It has been difficult for me to deal with as a highly antisocial person, and I get a lot of anxiety whenever I go too far outside of my comfort zone and try to explore and do new things here. I hate trying to park anywhere in the city. Of course, I was kind of like this before I moved here - just being here hasn't necessarily made things better.
I will say that in 6 years, I've changed a bit as a person. I can say that I am at least comfortable now with familiar roads and places that I wasn't when I first moved here. I have a small pool of places I can go, and a few friends from work who I can talk to about some things. It isn't perfect, but it's something. And I assume your fiance is in a similar situation. I'm still not in love with here I live now, but I appreciate some things about it.
What worries me is that your fiance's anxiety could be part of larger problems. It's possible that your fiance has his heart set on a particular place. It could be somewhere entirely different than his hometown and yours'. At the end of the day, the choices we make all have their pros and cons. He could learn to like things about where you live now, or decide that someplace else is better for him. I would maybe sit down and try to talk about this with your fiance if you haven't already. And if there are signs that he might be unsure of what he wants, and might be unhappy with this life, I would maybe reconsider if marriage is something that would be good for your relationship right now. I'm speaking from recent experience.
You say, "He misses his family, his friends, but still doesnt want to move home."
And "He has anxiety and is a fairly introverted person so he has people who he knows around here but noody he would say are his friends."
And "Nobody to spend time with when im not around and nobody to see when he fancies time away from me."
Does he have a job? I think if he had a job he could worry about that instead of both you and he worrying about if he's lonely now and an hour from now.
Also, by having a job, the energy flow turns around from being self-absorbed into being concerned about the job.
Also, if he works helping people, his concern could go from what are my problems, to what are their problems? So it would not only be for the money, but as a way to overcome self-concern, as he would see people who have more problems than he does.
He could also volunteer at hospitals, library, turtoring students, etc., which would do the same thing.