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I don't want my job to ruin my relationship

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I need some help here

I work long hour and my job is physically and mentally demanding
I live two cities away from my finacee and her place is 40 minutes away from mine

I almost never see her on my working days and only see her on my days off but lately my job is super busy especially during holidays so I'm especially tired

We just had a fight about how I don't wanna spend time with her and even if I come out I'm so tired that it'd pointless to plan anything fun or interesting

So in my defence I never get much sleep and I'm always doing all the driving and that's why I'm tired..she can't drive so i usually plan something short or less demanding

I'm finding myself less fun to be with as well and I'm always grumpy...I resent her sometimes for not being able to drive or not being considerate that I need some rest time

I don't see her very often and I try to come out as soon as I'm on my days off but I'm always so tired that even I know it's not fun to be with me...I'm 30 but I'm finding myself tired and grumpy

My girlfriend is a great person really but I feel like she just doesn't get how tiring my job is and how tiring driving back and forth to her place every time is
We're trying to look for a place together but we haven't been able to find a place yet

She's a totally different person as she has a lot more energy than me and she doesn't understand how tired I get. How do I make her see that? And how do I not let my job ruin my relationship? I need planning advice
Ps. Quitting or switching my job is not an option

I don't want my job to ruin my relationship

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This is a very difficult situation. If you cannot make much time for her right now, then you may want to give her more attention in small ways until you can make definite plans to see her. What I mean is that you could send her simple phone messages or emails…Something to brighten up her day. If necessary, you may want to ask a friend to help you send something nice to her. It does not have to be very time consuming. Maybe ask a question from time to time and check up on her. Send her a joke or something you thought she would find interesting. A little bit goes a long way. She needs reassurance that you care. All she sees from her point of view is that if you care you would make time, even if it is five minutes. It is hard for her to fully understand your work situation because she has not experienced it firsthand. Good luck to you.

I don't want my job to ruin my relationship

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Hello DEREKPP,

I am really happy that you have shared your story and have sought advice here in this website because it shows that you really care about your relationship and you want both of you to be happy.

I am afraid that you might not like my answer to your question. I think that maybe the problem isn't in your girlfriend but in the job you are doing. I know that it is probably very utopistic to say that your job has to give you pleasure and make you happy. That is rarely the case. However, it shouldn't make you feel miserable when you go home so that you cannot talk to your girlfriend and have a nice chat....

Since quitting or switching your job isn't an option, I would say you should do your best to make the most of the time you have for your girlfriend. For instance, you can plan romantic trips or getaways for the weekends. You can go to a park and have a nice picnic together. As TILES has said before me, you can try to make some small gestures which can show your girlfriend that she is appreciated. In this article from http://www.girlsaskguys.com/flirting/q1441981-any-ideas-for-small-romantic-gestures">Girls Ask Guys.Com you can find some great ideas for small gestures. They are not time consuming, we are not talking about renting a hot balloon but about those small gestures like leaving a post-it to your girlfriend saying "Thank you for yesterday". You would be surprised how sweet that it! :)

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