I want another baby - he doesn't
My husband and I have been together 10 years and had always talked about having kids. It was agreed we'd probably have 2 but not set in stone obviously. Last year, I got pregnant. I got very bad prenatal depression in my last trimester and was suicidal. We fought through it and I pulled it together for the birth of my son. I was besotted with my baby and while the universe and all its wonders were unfolding before me, my husband was silently mourning the death of our old life. He didn't take to the new baby well. He became very depressed and I made him seek counselling. 6 months later he was over the worst of it and now my baby is 9 months, my husband adores him as much as I do but says he can't imagine having another. He says he's afraid of becoming depressed again. On the other hand, I love motherhood and am craving another baby in the future. I fear for my son growing up alone, of losing him, or him having to deal with us in our dotage without a brother or sister to stand by his side. I didn't realise how much I'd love motherhood. It feels like I have been waiting for something to happen all my life and I've come to realise it's being a mother. It's a yearning I can't ignore and I feel a burning resentment that he won't let me have another. What do I do? Im getting too old to faff around. I'm 30!
do you know why you got prenatal depression ?
did you transfer anything onto the baby when born - to cover up for anything else ? did he "save" you from anything ?
did your husband think you were "all over the baby" and no longer with him that much ? (those things can happen but are not supposed to last) : is he now afraid of having another baby for fear of seeing less and less of you in the relationship of you and him as a couple and not only parents ?
why do you desire another child for the one you have to not be alone and to "stand by his side" while having to face his parents ? do you think it will be too hard for your child - and why ? what do you want to preserve him of ?
it seems you both need to get clear on these things before deciding to conceive another child : try talking about it together in a clear and mature, adult and objective way
Thanks for answering.
I got prenatal depression because of an inbalance in hormones coupled with the fact I don't do well with change. I guess I focussed on the baby to get through it and was rather fanciful of the idea that the baby saved me from it. It was either that or blame the baby for causing it which would only have been destructive.
I had fallen in love with the baby by the time he was 3 days old. The baby played havoc with our relationship because my husband felt left out and felt nothing but irritation for the baby. Our relationship has improved but still isn't great.
It's clear to me my relationship won't stand another baby right now anyway so I plan to work on it. Meanwhile, I've discussed the situation with my husband enough for him to agree we'd review the situation in two years time. Hopefully we'll both be in the right place to have another baby. If not, I'll have to find a way to cope.
The only person who played havoc is your husband who is jealous of your baby.
You say "The baby played havoc with our relationship because my husband felt left out and felt noting but irritation for the baby" usually you see this behavior with an older only child who not prepared for the new baby's arrival and is jealous of the attention the new baby is getting.
Your husband played the havoc and was reasonable for own his sibling rivalry jealousy of his own baby.
"Our relationship has improved but still isn't great" do you still eel that the baby shares any blame? You both could use some family counseling to deal with your martial issues which if left unresolved will continue to effect your relationship and the baby.