Long story short about 3 years ago from today I was home alone by myself, still in highschool at the time and I was extremely horny. Ive always been very sexual and into sexual things, even when u was little. But I guess my sexual urges got the best of me.. but to continue the story, I was home alone for a few hours horny as horny could get. No boyfriend and not sexually active at the time so I decided to take matters into my own hands point intended.
Sooo im fresh out the shower and I go to my bedroom still naked and I lay on the bed and start envisioning would crazy sex with a crush of mine. I love to daydream about sex that is something Ive always loved to do even in school. And most people don't believe me when I say this but im bout much of a masturbator, to me its not all that pleasurable but on that day I decided to give it another try.
I begin to finger myself just to get the feel of it and as a few minutes went by it started to feel more and more pleasurable and the feeling intensified the harder I went. So I start becoming a little vocal not too loud but loud enough to where I could be heard by someone in the living room which is few feet away.
My bedroom is in the front of my apartment next to the kitchen and I failed to realize before it was too late that pretty much anything could be heard outside my window. To make matters worse my bedroom window was partially open and I didn't know.
U guys know how the rest goes.. I was heard. & EVEN WORSE . My dad pulled up as that was going on and was already out of the car before I stopped & even got into the house. The worst fear you could ever imagine ran through my body like an electric shock, I was mortified.I wanted to cry so bad, I ran and shut my room for and threw on some clothes. Forgot much of what happened after that but a few minutes later I hear a little girl outside make a loud moaning sound and a lady laughed and told her to stop and that's when I realized my supposed to be private affair with myself wasn't so private. Then on after neighbors have taunted me indirectly, mocking my moans and now it's life a trend almost. Idk what to do and the embarassment and shame won't go away. Im attacked with loud obnoxious moans outside of my house almost everyday and im pretty sure my dad's aware of it. It's like a never ending cycle of embarrassment that they' wont let go. Its been 3 YEARS and its still going on. Ive suffered alot from this, never thought I'd have to deal with something like this for so long. And amazed at how cruel and hateful people can be and how they could want to do this for so long. I haven't really done anything wrong but its almost like I'm being punished. What should I do ? How should I feel ? Can't move out right now either.
Just let go of it. You are giving their words power. To them, they probably don't realize how much this bothers you. Forget about them. They'd all probably be jealous that they didn't get to experience your moaning firsthand, and apparently they don't get to experience much of that from any woman if they spend so much time mocking your private sex life.
Thanks, this may seem like a silly thing to be worrying about but it really bothers me and I can't help but feel like I'm an embarassment to my dad. Ive dealt with embarrassing experiences in my life and its like it'll never end and I'll never have a break. Im trying to let this one go but it's like 'they' refuse to let me.
I would like to hear more opinions from others, I really need support on this. Im so ashamed