I don't know where I stand
l don't know where l stand
Hello, please help! I am normally a very logical lateral thinker and many of my friends ask me for advice...but on this one subject about my love life lam stuxk. There is a man G, who was my boyfriend 5 years ago and we were together for 1 year and a half, after that it was on off but we did both see others when we split. Since september 2014 we have been seeing each other again on an intimate basis, that is yearand 4 months...we go out to dinner now and then but therelationship does not go back to a level on a true couplee basis. Over the last year l have t ried several times to ask G if we are progressing forward to being a couple again....but he remains fixed that NO he will not give me an answer. I explain that l just like to know where l stand but he says it is black mailing him!! lol...this jusst staggers me I do feel a depth between us and the sex is fantastic,,,but l dont know whether l m single or ont? and he won't answer this question. Last night we spoke on the phone about it and now l dont know whether to back off and let him reflect?? pease xould some one tell me how the picture looks? With many many thanks x
Why did you originally split up? How old are you both?
It's an odd situation to me because if I am having sex with someone and going out with them, I'd assume we had a relationship and I'd expect them to be monogamous. Maybe I'm just being old fashioned?
Anyway, he clearly won't commit or give you a definitive 'yes' to your relationship status, which looks like he wants to have his cake and eat it. This would be fine if you wanted an open relationship too.
So there's a few of ways you could play this:
1) Tell him you want a monogamous relationship with him and you want to know where you stand- now. If you're having sex with him, you've every right to know where he's currently dipping his wick. If he is all vague and won't commit either way, ditch him. You want something he doesn't, find the guy who does want what you want.
2) Consider the advantages of an open relationship. There's nothing wrong with it if you are both ok with it and have a few ground rules. Do it safely and to keep your emotions out of it. From the sounds of it, you are emotionally attached to him and won't truly happy in this kind of relationship.
3) Call his bluff. Chances are, he's loving the freedom of not being in an official relationship. He can do what he pleases, see who he pleases, when he pleases. He also getting sex and companionship from you as and when he wants it. He knows you're into him. He's convinced you only want him and that you're faithful. Chances are he won't like it at all if you started seeing other guys. Tell him that you want the freedom of an open relationship and you want to know where you stand before you start seeing other guys. There's a good chance he'll commit because the thought of you with another bloke will be too much to bear. It might not work out this way but it might be worth a try.
Frankly, he sounds like a shit. I was in a situation like this when I was younger and went for option 2. Funnily enough, he didn't like it and decided he'd rather commit. I never ended up with him though. Option 1 sounds best for you. Whatever you choose to do, don't let him keep you in limbo.