New baby. Video gaming husband. What to do?
Sorry its so long, but I've posted on here before and got good advice so I thought I would try it again.
Me and my husband has been together for four in a half years, and married for about two and a half.
A year ago, I had brought up the subject of having a baby. Which he replied he wasn't ready for one, which was his excuse every time. It was a big discussion, and I had told him if he never wanted kids he needed to tell me. Because having kids was very important to me, and as I love my husband I wasn't going through life never having kids. So he agreed, and after the first time trying I became pregnant. To which his reaction was anything but excited. It took him a little while but he got used to the idea and got even more excited once he found out it was a little boy.
When I was about five months pregnant i found out that he had cheated on me two months before he got me pregnant. He lied to me about where he was going and drove about an hour to meet up with a girl he knew from high school. He talked to her all night long and as far as I know they only kissed, and told her he loved her. She is not a pretty girl at all. When this happened we were going through a rough patch but I never knew it was that bad. Then him and his brother took a trip to Alaska to see his other brother right before I found out about this cheating affair, (five months pregnant) And when he got back he was distance. I noticed a number on his phone bill that added up to about 5000 texts in a month. He claimed it was a guy he met in Alaska, one of his brothers friends. I believed him until I seen the name on the phone. So I decided to read the texts one night. They were from a girl he met in Alaska. Talking about how he kissed her in Alaska and wanted to move to Cali where she lives. I confronted him and he stopped talking to her all together. I stayed once again.
Now that our son is almost two months old, he chooses video games over us. He works ten hours a day, he comes home, eats, then plays his games till its bedtime. I'm a stay at home mom, so I never get a break. But since he works so hard to support us I feel like I shouldn't ask for help. He stays up all night on the weekends. He is part of a gaming community (not sure I completely understand the point of it) but he has a group of people he talks to online and plays with. I feel he is 100% devoted to this little group and ignores us. I am always angry with him cause of what he has done to me. He says he stays downstairs because of my attitude towards him. Which I do have because I resent him. I try not to, but to this day I still cry over it. I don't regret my baby by any means, he's what keeps me going. But I wish my husband would of told me he cheated because I would not of stayed with him. And I could be in nursing school like I've always dreamed of doing. He doesn't even stay upstairs long enough for me to eat dinner and I have to ask him to watch the baby for me to shower for five minutes. He doesn't hear the baby cry at night so I'm always getting up. He always says "you could of asked me to do that. " I repsond that I shouldn't have to ask. When he comes up to bed he still talks to them all through KIK messages. About a month ago I decided to look through his phone, which was locked and I broke the code. He was talking to one of the girls on there more friendly then the other people he had been talking to. I confronted him once again. All the girls have not been attractive so i dont understand why hes interested. And his phone has been unlocked ever since. I feel like he escapes to that world of games and people to avoid his life here that he doesn't want and I don't know what to do about it. Any advice is welcome, again sorry for the length. Thank you..
I’m not married, but I would like to provide some comments. I hope they help. I do think it is like you say…that he tries to use other women and video games and any other excuse to escape. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. That’s why he tries to leave you in the dark when it comes to his cheating habits. The reality is that he didn’t want children as much as you did. He probably feels trapped in certain ways, so he uses excuses to try to get out of what he should do. You can’t make him change. He has to do that all on his own. I would, however, recommend that you and him set some ground rules about his gaming. You really need to talk with him about this because if he really doesn’t like his life with you, then things will only get worse. The girls he talks with do not necessarily have to be attractive in the physical sense to get attention…There is some need they are providing him that he feels like he can’t get at home. Just like with the video games. I would ask him what he thinks he lacks that he has to continually ignore you and his child. Hopefully he will give you an honest answer. It is obvious that he is not completely happy with you or himself. Also, he is picking up on the fact that you resent him for what he has done, so naturally you two will pull away from each other. The more you two pull away, the more difficult it will be to keep the marriage going. Do you both want to make things work, or do you feel like only one of you does?