My boyfriend (25) and I (26) have been dating for a little over 2.5 years and we have been living together for the last 7 months. We have a pretty solid relationship; we rarely argue, we share the same sense of humour and have the same morals. He is a pretty old fashioned guy in the sense that he does not believe people can/should be friends with their exes and he thinks that individuals of the opposite sex can't truly be friends.
We have a good sex life, but a few weeks ago I thought maybe I could spice things up a bit by putting on an x-rated video in the background. He never would tell me what kind of videos he was into in his alone time (fair enough), so I thought maybe I could find one by looking at his internet history, and I did! However, I also found that he had searched his ex-girlfriend on facebook which came as a complete shock to me! Curiosity led me to click on the link to her profile, then to his search history. I found out he has been doing it 3-4 times a month for at least the last few months. I confronted him about it calmly, first apologizing for snooping. I know that is an invasion of privacy and in a trusting relationship there should be no reason to do so, but I was initially looking at it for a fun reason.. not out of mistrust!! He apologized, but said that he did it simply out of curiosity. I actually noticed that on a number of occasions he looked up my profile too, and then hers directly after. Is he comparing us? They dated for about 2 years, but then continued to see each other on and off for another 1-2 years after that. It was young love and he told me that the reason they broke up was because she was way too emotionally unstable, demanding, etc, etc. He didn't start dating me until well after a year that they had completely stopped communicating.
He does not actually have her as a friend on facebook and they haven't spoken since before we met. He says it's just out of curiosity that he looks at her profile... He says he "guesses he's just kind of a facebook creep". I just think it's weird how often he specifically types her name into the search bar just look at her profile; he's obviously thinking about her a lot. He assures me that he loves me and I have nothing to worry about. I know he loves me, and besides these recent events I always felt we had a perfect, even enviable, relationship built on open communication and trust. I don't want to bring it up with him again and I really want to let this whole thing go and move on, but I can't get it off my mind. I keep wondering if he considers her the "one that got away" or something...He thinks I’ve let it go, but I’m still feeling pretty heartbroken about it. Should I be worried?
My opinion -It think you should trust your boyfriend...
Looking at his ex-girlfriends Facebook is in my opinion pretty innocent. Everybody has some history and as long as he doesn't suddenly start to text her or meet with her or something like that, I don't think you should be worried.
As to whether he compares the two of you or considers her "the one who got away" - you have no way of knowing this and even if you did what could you use this information for? If he's a loving boyfriend, if you're happy together and you trust him, I think you should give him a little more credit. He chose you! Not that other girl.
If you need to be reassured I don't think you should hesitate to tell him once more how you feel.
I would say no, you shouldn't be worried. Particularly as the reaction he gave you was to APOLOGISE instead of try to defend and argue or smoke-screen you by switching the discussion to being all about your having 'snooped'. Actions!
When you start dating someone who's much better suited to you, possibly even 'perfect' - The One, as puts your ex completely in the shade, it's not unusual for some, as time and betterment marches on week-by-week, month-by-month to feel so delighted, validated and vindicated, yet still understandably bitter (if you were mistreated), that you WANT to compare, like a Before & After photo....'Tw*t....ANGEL!....Tw*t....ANGEL!...("hah!)'. In fact your bitterness can even increase for a while whenever you reflect on how UNNECESSARY the ex had been because - "look!" - the minute you yourself have found someone COOPERATIVE, things are going beautifully and from strength to strength.
You also want to see what woefully little or complete lack of progress the ex has undergone, because in your mind that also provides proof of how you yourself HADN'T been the troublesome element (like they might have persistently tried to convince you you were), meaning, they're still stuck in their old, rotten ways, with subtle little corresponding indicators being in abundance on FB - e.g. photos, veins of quotes chosen (to speak for them and their current state of mind), how daily addicted they are...those sorts of giveaway signs. But if you're not in contact or don't even have sight of them then obviously FB is the next best, ONLY thing.
Note he went from YOUR page to hers, not hers to yours? Maybe there'd have been cause for suspicious if it'd been the other way around.
So he's probably still secretly and silently competing with her in the competition called, Who was truly the unhealthy one. Common stuff. Plus, it takes time to get over the event and injustice, even if you have zero feelings left for the actual person involved.
His mistake, I think, was to keep this off your radar...probably thinking he was trying to protect you [rolls eyes].
Mr Soulmate and I used to do this TOGETHER and have a great laugh arguing playfully about whose ex had been the biggest, relationship-denigrating idiot or the most 'disgusting' looking compared to (in each other's opinion) our truthful looks league, LOL. "WTF were you thinking/No, WTF were *you* thinking!" was the most commonly spouted exclamation. Petty and no doubt highly immature, but very cathartic... and that's the main thing.
So are you two NOT equally wounded soldiers, propping each other up along that last leg of the Recovery Path prior to the leg-castes coming off?
FYI, what you're having is a perfectly normal wobble, LOOKING for something more explicable and tangible to pin it on. Again - normal.