My Choice: Security Or The Possibility Of Love

Posted by
NEEDAFREINDLYEAR
on Jan 16 2016 at 22:02
Member since: 16 January 2016
Relationship advice forum category advice forum category Hi everyone.

I'm 24 and have been in a relationship with my partner for 3.5 years. He is the kindest, most loving, generous,patient person I have ever known. He loves me more than anything and would never leave me. We never argue and have a laugh. I have everything I could ever wish for...except I don't love him anymore. I don't know what to do.

I am finding my self unintentionally becoming distant and intimacy is awkward and uncomfortable for me. I know the possibility of me finding someone as accommodating and kind are very slim and leaving him would be a risk.

I wonder what you think about this. Security for life or vague possibility of love somewhere...?

My choice: security or the possibility of love
Reply from
MANALONE
on Jan 17 2016 at 01:43
Member since: 29 December 2013
Despite that you state that your partner is a good man, if you're not IN love with him, then you shouldn't be there. If you find yourself unintentionally becoming distant, then it's your instinct telling you that you need to move on, regardless if you think the chances are slim of finding someone else whose qualities equal his.

You're 24 years young and you are experiencing one of life's many learning curves. Don't miss out on your true love,(regardless of who and what they are and how they compare) while you try and keep someone else happy when you're basically making yourself miserable in the process.

You need to be happy and you need the chemistry of true love. If your relationship has lost this chemistry, then you need to move on.

My choice: security or the possibility of love
Reply from
REVILODE
on Jan 17 2016 at 14:17
Member since: 10 January 2016
I basically agree that if you honestly feel that you don't love him, you should leave. Kindness and laughing and security and comfort is all very good - but is it really good enough? And what about him - wouldn't you want him to be with someone who loves him back?

I get that it feels like a risk to leave something that is actually good and I don't think there's an easy answer. You have no idea of knowing what's "out there" - it might be better or worse. But that's life, right? We can't know? But I agree - you're only 24 and there's definitly a lot of oppotunities for you.

Still I feel like offereing an insight I once read that I found interesting. "To love" is a verb - it's something we do...we devote ourselves, we pay attention, we care for someone. The crazy feeling of falling in love with someone new is always intoxicating but can't last forever. At some point "love" is the reward we get from "loving" someone actively. It's not as romantic perhaps, but I think there's some truth in it. If the love was never there I don't think it works...but I think love has to be maintained by the act of loving.

My choice: security or the possibility of love
Reply from
SOULMATE (moderator)
on Jan 17 2016 at 14:59
Member since: 19 August 2014
Yup, I agree with Manalone and Revilode. But I do think you'll meet someone more suited very soon, because the evidence is already there, in that you've managed already to 'identify' and attract someone who ticks all the boxes on the personable side, and with SOME chemistry, meaning, now all you're looking/waiting for is a man with that extra-compatible chemistry, enough to keep you fancying them majorly for a very long time, possibly even a lifetime.

(PS Revilode: "The crazy feeling of falling in love with someone new is always intoxicating but can't last forever. [At some point "love" is the reward we get from "loving" someone actively.] It's not as romantic perhaps," Oh yeah? Speak fer yerself, mate. ;-p)

My choice: security or the possibility of love
Reply from
REVILODE
on Jan 17 2016 at 15:16
Member since: 10 January 2016
Yeah yeah I know...I'm a cynic :-)
My choice: security or the possibility of love
Reply from
SOULMATE (moderator)
on Jan 18 2016 at 22:44
Member since: 19 August 2014
Well, that's another topic entirely, then, isn't it. ;-)
My choice: security or the possibility of love
Reply from
ALTREAL
on Jan 19 2016 at 07:36
Member since: 20 August 2015
You need to find the right person for you, someone who challenges you and makes you happy.

Maybe you still love your current partner, but are just in a period of doubt. If you think you can save and improve your current relationship, then start talking to your partner! But if you really aren't happy with this relationship, and don't see it working out long-term, then maybe it's best to move on.

Only you can determine these things. But have an open mind and do what feels right for you.

My choice: security or the possibility of love
Reply from
NEEDAFREINDLYEAR
on Jan 21 2016 at 23:38
Member since: 16 January 2016
Firstly thank you so much for your advice and support. It's greatly appreciated and I really just needed people to talk to that were detached from the situation....so....Thanks.

I am trying to see if there is anything left to salvage and I am trying to do things with my partner but he seems to want things to stay they same..ie sooooo boring!! I think I need some excitement in my life and I dont find him exciting anymore. I enjoy spending time with him but it's not the same as it once was. More like a friend really...

Is this just normal?!

Discussion closed - why not create your own thread?