Boyfriend caught chatting with other men while I'm pregnant
So, my boyfriend and I have only been together a year. We were both very into each other since day one. I have never had issues of him cheating before. We found out I'm pregnant, I'm currently 4 months, and we are both so very excited and happy to be creating this life together. For the past 2 months, I haven't been feeling sexual at all. I think we have had sex maybe twice in the past 2 months, and I've looked it up and have been told some women get like that during pregnancy and not to worry it will come back. I've made sure he knows there is nothing wrong. Then I saw in his computer history that he was on chatrooms online, sexually chatting with other women. We talked about it, he said he just needed to get off and it wasn't a big deal. I told him how it made me feel and he told me he would stop.
Now yesterday, there is a window open on his phone, to a secret email account he made, and all of the emails are from men seaking men craigslist ads. The emails are so raunchy and disgusting I couldnt believe it. I lost my mind. I almost kicked him out, but didn't because he swore he wouldn't go through with meeting anyone and again it was just a way to get off, because we haven't been intimate. But further reading of these emails, he had given out our address, and another one said something about meeting at Walmart. He swears he never met these men.
I need serious help. I don't want to turn to friends and family for advice because I think they would all say to leave him. I don't want to be another statistic single mom. And I know he loves me and it would break his heart to lose me and baby. But seriously. Is he gay? Curious? Is it my fault for not wanting to have sex? Am I stupid for giving this another shot?
This is bad.. Can u go for abortion? In our religion this is illegal wat abt urs
I'm not religious.
And I'm too far along for abortion and I don't really agree with an abortion. I would raise the baby on my own no problem, just not sure if he deserves another chance.....I know it would break his heart if I left.
Hey, it seems like he could be curious and there's honestly nothing wrong with that. Except it obviously affects you because you're both expecting a child. I personally think you made the first mistake by denying he go on chat-rooms, he wasn't cheating you then or doing anything that could've jeopardized your relationship with him. You need to understand that he still has needs and he was just looking for it somewhere, where he wouldn't technically be cheating on you. However, it seems like you pushed him to look for other ways because you didn't feel comfortable which I understand too but you have to understand that you weren't pleasuring him. So instead of him cheating on you physically he decided to turn to another method. But it's obviously gotten out of hand because he's on craigslist, perhaps he thinks by doing something with these men - it wouldn't exactly be cheating? You need to talk to him about it and perhaps be more open-minded because it is hard for him too, with you having a baby. I don't think you should break up or anything drastic for the baby, and if you're certain he loves you too.
Yes, your family and friends may well tell you to leave him because of their shock and outrage depending of how much you tell them IF you do go to them, but you need to determine which part of your issue actually disturbs you the most because your post has two separate issues welded together.
Your only challenge should be his cheating because of what you state is your condition which is par for the course with many pregnant woman. While it's not your fault for not wanting to have sex, their are other ways to be intimate together while you are pregnant. There are plenty of guys who still maintain intimacy with their pregnant spouse because they have the need to be faithful as well as a need to be intimate...together.
You guys need to be able to be open with one another and you both need to instinctively trust another and this includes knowing each other intimately. While you state you have only been together a year, you guys are still expecting a baby and you both will remain a parent as long as you live, regardless if you stay together or not. Your initial excitement meant that you OKed it to become pregnant to your BF, but it's his actions since then that have more or less betrayed your relationship together.
If you're not religious then you can only go by your personal upbringing and your personal sense of right or wrong. He has cheated and you have discussed it with him. His somewhat blase "it's no big deal" gives another indication of his attitude towards your relationship together. If you can accept that alone, then you may well be half way there but your post also expresses your disgust of whom he was communicating with. You may be letting who he cheated with cloud the real issue and that is he cheated when he decided he couldn't have sex with you. It was easier to go online rather than accept spoken reassurances which came from you, the woman who will be the mother of his child.
You and only you alone can determine if he deserves another chance and only you can determine if you have a need for him in your life. His sexual orientation is not his choice, he was born that way, whether he knows it 100% or not as yet is another matter, but it's basically his sense of loyalty, commitment, and respect towards you and your relationship and his ability and willingness to be a responsible father that you should be looking at.
What was his reason for giving out your home address? What's that about?
Meeting or giving the appearance of meeting gay men in parking lots would concern me. I agree with MANALONE ,where is his commitment, and respect towards you and your relationship. I think he has shown you a side of himself that you really need to see it for what it is and not make excuses.