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Having a hard time accepting the fact...

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Relationship advice That this is a form of abuse.

I have been associated with this guy for nearly 2 years now, and I have nothing but a sense of devotion to him. He emotionally hurts me on a regular basis, and it isn't simple arguing either. He likes to degrade me and control my social circle. It doesn't matter if I don't do anything wrong, if I do something he dislikes (even if it's something he does all the time, such as be out late), he will threaten to cut me off. Whenever I attempt to go to him for support, he laughs it off or straight tells me he doesn't care, and thus I am afraid to be open with him anymore.

I haven't looked into it much until recently viewing videos about emotional abuse in relationships. I think I don't want to accept the fact he seriously mistreats me, because at one point in my life he was the only person who gave me a sense of security and care and that's something for me that is hard to forget.

I'm sure I seem pathetic and weak, but he plays with my feelings making it hard for me to cut him off. He insists on not talking to me anymore, but then he tells me he loves me and he wants me around. It puts me in an uneasy situation. I know the quick solution is "Break it off!" but it's very difficult for me.

Any relating stories or advice?

Having a hard time accepting the fact...

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No, the break it off solution is never quick and it's always difficult but it gets easier the longer you commit to it when you finally get around to doing it. In your circumstances, this guy gets off on controlling and manipulating you and the fact that you can put it into words 'on paper' and post it here, tells us that are already moving on from him however early days it is. The fact that he WAS your source of security and care means nothing now if he threatens you. He threatens because he can see the reaction he gets from you and he has the power to do so because you allow it.

The longer you allow him to use you, the longer you will remain miserable but the sooner you make a move to get him out of your life, the sooner you will find someone else who will love and respect you. Forget about devotion...you owe this guy absolutely nothing, but you owe it to yourself to end your association with him for good.

Having a hard time accepting the fact...

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yep - I agree with Manalone

maybe at one point in your life YOU had the impression he was giving you a sense of security and care but that was then and that was you then : sometimes we project qualities on other people but that doesn't mean those people do have those qualities

the way things are now seems to confirm he doesn't have those qualities : you had/have them in you and you projected them (what represents you) on him : we are many to do that and wake up one day realizing the other was not what we thought - the lesson is to realize that we are what we thought we were and thought the other was too

so yes - get yourself ready to break off and leave him to his need to spoil another's well-being

yes - we do develop feelings as well as a physical/chemical form of bonding but in this case you can probably add a certain level of traumatic bonding due to the abuse : bonding is like a glue - it tends to become a habit and may sometimes reveal as toxic and addictive in unhealthy relations - it can take a certain time to undo these unsatisfying threads and liberate yourself but the thing to do is make a decision and stick to it

no need to go and explain yourself to a person who will no doubt drag you through the mud of endless sterile discussions destined to take you down and make you feel bad - keep you addicted to whatever feelings for him you may have left - get you on the guilt-shame merry-go-round and make you doubt yourself - make you doubt that you are in fact thinking the right things and feeling what you feel : don't - don't go there - don't waist your time, energy and emotional well-being

maybe he loves you but obviously his "love" is toxic : so that's it - nothing more to add - do you want a toxic love ? no ? then move on

take your loving feelings back for yourself and nurture them - make them shine for you and some other who might show up later down the road and who is worthy of your love

wishing you all the best :)

Having a hard time accepting the fact...

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Find the courage and the will to let go, its not easy that's for sure, it will be hard to accept the fact that he will be no where around anymore but time will heal you, and everyday it will be easier for you. Be strong!
And if this helps I've been through a story like that, but the day i decided to give up the pain he caused me my life got better and I found some one new and I'm happier than ever.

You are strong enough to do it. Good luck!

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