Need advice after she broke up with me
Greatly appreciate your comments on these. Sorry, this is a bit long.
My ex just broke up with me last night, and I was begging and needing to give me one more chance but she just said can't do it anymore. She cares about trust on small and simple things because if she can trust me on very simple things that means she can trust me on bigger things. I made a lot of mistakes by not giving attention on simple things that matter the most to her. It's not like I was cheating on her, but small things that matter to her feeling. She's the type of female that it is okay to have a boyfriend or not. Doesn't really care about marriage. Deep down inside, I truly love her and wish she could be the last person I want to be with. Every time I look at our pictures, OMG, I miss her so much, but I think I need to give her some space. Really need to learn to be more open to her even the little and small and simple things because they are really matter for her. Last thing she broke up with me is because I distrust her feeling toward me over a simple thing. This is not occur only once but a few times already but with different problems within a year of our relationship. The point is, she care so much about trust in simple things while I couldn't realize what they were, until the day she broke up with me. Regret comes last.
So, why did she brake up with me? She knows I smoke cigarette and she let me, but sometimes she reminded me not to smoke too much. I tried to reduce smoking in front of her and she thought that I smoke less. One time she was about to take a shower, and I was waiting for her to get into the bathroom then I want to smoke. The moment I want to pick up my cigarette, she went out of the bathroom and saw me picking up the cigarette. I was a bit shock. She noticed that and she asked me what happen. Out of the blue I said I wanna smoke but I am afraid if I smoke too much, she wouldn't be happy. Then after she had a shower she decided to break up with me. It is just one example about simple thing matters to her.
Very simple thing, but means a lot to her. She said, if you are trying to hide something that I already allow you to do, how about things that I do not allow you?
This simple mistakes that I made added up through out our one year relationship but with different problems. She just finally had enough and she told me she can't do it anymore. I was begging for one last chance but she still said no. And by the way, she is a really hard headed person.
Tried to discuss with my brother, and he told me that I am holding back myself in front of her just to look nice and good in front of her. He told me just be myself. Don't try to be somebody that she likes, but be myself and see if she can accept me or not. And by the way, she told me about this as well.
As I was searching information from google. After the break up, give her some space for about a month and try to contact her again. I am afraid that one month will be too long and she might forget about me by then. From the day we broke up, I told her I will come again this week and if she is not home I will wait for her. Sounds so desperate isn't it? What confuse me is if I come to her house this week, she would think I am desperate. If I don't come back this week, she might think I don't really want to see her again since I said I would come back, and she might just say "that's it."
Do I want to get back with her? Yes. Am I afraid if she still holding on to her decision? Of course. If I see her within a week, she might be still too emotional.
Let's say she decides to give it another shot. What I am afraid is about keeping it and afraid that this problem would occur again in the future.
Sorry for the long essay and hope to get some inputs about this matter.
Your GF was controlling you and as you state, she was more or less choosing simple things to control you with. At the end of the day, if you were a smoker when you guys decided to go into a relationship, then she has no right to comment on your smoking. If she needed to be with you, then she should have accepted you as a smoker and accept that it's your business and how much you want to smoke...it's that simple.
Likewise, your brother is correct in every way when he advises you to be yourself around her. Why should you change or try and be someone who you aren't just to impress or satisfy her and her domineering standards? You need to ask yourself what you truly love about her and realize that the trust in your relationship should be earned and not just expected or demanded. Trust means that you have placed confidence and faith into your partner and it's not so much about trusting with small things going onto bigger things, it's about having honesty, loyalty, integrity and respect in your relationship...all based on the foundation of trust.
Your mention in your post about "the things that she allows you to do" and this is the true issue. Ask yourself what right she has to dictate the terms of your relationship. If she's the type of female who doesn't care about having a BF or not, then what does this tell you?
Thanks a lot buddy. 6 people already said that my brother's advice is correct. It really opens my eyes. Thank you once again.