Newly wed marriage problems concerning alcohol and pornography
My husband and I just got married last August. We have a one and a half year old baby girl together and I have a 5 year old son from previous engagements. Two weeks after we got married my husbands mother passed away. Unfortunately she passed away at a young age caused by her alcoholism. My husbands alcoholism shot through the roof afterwards and got really out of hand. Luckily he cooled it down a little but the problem he was having was evident. Therefore recently I've asked him to quit drinking except on occasions and for the last couple weeks he has been doing well.
Another issues we had was prior to the exchange of our wedding vows he had been watching an excessive amount of porn. Or at least that's how I felt. I tried to ignore it but after breastfeeding our daughter my breasts are now down to an a cup and he desires big boobs. Even though he denies it there are little comments he always makes about hot women because of their big boobs. Anyway it makes me really insecure so I spoke to him about it he promises it was no biggy and wouldn't do it. Then I saw it on his phone because he always leaves the pages up. I mentioned something and he started deleting his history. Then later on it really started hurting my feelings and we talked again seriously and again and again. He continued to lie to me about it I even accidentally walked in on him and he still tried to lie... So now he tells the truth since I expressed the lying is worse. He still continues to do it and when I try to actually talk in depth with him to solve the issue or at least work it out he gets angry and pissed off. And every time he says I'm just trying to control him with the drinking and the porn. This has became so detrimental to me that I suggested counseling tonight and again he got pissed. And then points out that it's all my problems my issues and we don't need a counselor that won't help... I've been open to alternatives with the porn such as on call releases dirty pictures and even videos. He's all for it but then still turns back to the porn. I feel like I'm not enough for him...
No, you're not controlling him with the porn and the alcohol whatsoever, rather it's both of these things that are controlling him. He can't juggle both and be a responsible father and husband as well. While you're open to different ideas about porn, you're really just becoming an enabler. Porn is all OK in a marriage but it needs to be a mutual interest shared together. When one person conceals it's use by deception, their partner gets left out and, as you have found out first hand, eventually becomes insecure and hurt and is left feeling unwanted.
If he relies on alcohol to help him deal with certain issues in life then it's a problem. You're correct to suggest counseling for your marriage but it's only half the issue because his addictions are his to sort out and until he (and you) realize this, your marriage is not going to be a normal one. He basically has to admit that his habits do not make for a successful union together and there's not much you can do except suffer the consequences if you remain with him. His statement that it's all your issues and problems says it all.
It's your choice as to whether you decide to support him but it's your children that you really should be thinking of first and foremost. They need you to be happy and secure.
All of it!