Bipolar bf has just dissappeared
Hi all. GS and myself have been dating for three months, we met on a dating site. A week in he bought me a commitment ring and it was serious from the start. In three months we spent three nights apart. He told me pretty soon that he was bipolar 2, which never concerned me because I understand its an illness that can be managed and treated. He always takes his meds. The first warning was when he kissed one of my friends while I was in their company. The following day he blamed it on the combination of his meds and alcohol. I was quite upset but I forgave him and accepted what he said. He is extremely jealous and possessive, its as if his entire world revolves around me and he has said so numerous times. He is not close with any friends or family. We had been having troubles the last couple of weeks, fighting and he started getting very aggressive in tone, throwing things, shouting and generally scaring me. Always when he had had a couple of drinks. This past weekend we had friends over, of which the man is blind. I went to the bathroom. When I joined them again there was big drama. GS had kissed the blind man's wife right in front of them, and he had heard them. Big fight ensued. I went home after that. Following day we talked and he blamed the meds alcohol mix again.
I asked that we not see each other two nights a week,as I was feeling smothered, and told him that we still together but that he must understand that I was hurt and needed time. And that we could re-evaluate the amount of time spent together after a couple of weeks.
I promised to phone and say goodnight that same night which I did. Phoned twice and he never answered. I then received a message saying that he could here by my tone that it was over and to remember that he loved very very very much.
I emailed, sent messages, phoned countless times and no response! Ive been past his flat but cannot gain entry, I've banged on windows with no response. He is not answering anybodys phone calls. Not friends and not family. He is completely ignoring not only me but everybody. He has a history of suicide and I'm petrified that he has relapsed or worse. I have contacted his sister, but she seems reluctant to get involved.
We are suppose to be going on a cruise in one week, which is totally paid and he is "missing". I dont understand what's going on and I cant reach him or force him to speak to me. I am so hurt and deeply concerned.
Does he have a job? Has he shown up for work? Ask his landlord if he has seen him if not, contact his family and express your concern and if you truly feel that he may have harmed himself then consider filing a missing person report.
Maybe he meant what he said that it is over, this guy does not seem stable and should be under a doctors care. Taking him on a cruise with his behavior problems is not the environment he should be in.
Take your cruise and make the best of it.
I'm betting he's absolutely fine, wherever he is, and getting off on the satisfaction of knowing you're probably going insane with fear and worry (aim, fire, bullseye - now she'll be putty in my hands!).
Different if this guy were helping the medical profession to help him or even asking that you keep the alcohol well away from his reach. But he's not. Different also if it were the meds themselves having this effect on him. But it's not. He's choosing of his own free will to keep sabotaging his means to control his condition. And then he is also, by the sounds of it (because bipolar is not a personality in itself, note), using his illness as an excuse to behave badly and, when called to account, manipulatively - indicated by the fact even his own sister has ceased taking the biggest bait, having long wiped her hands of him... A cover behind which to attempt to get his own way using gross emotional blackmail and coersion via threatening or hinting textually then behaviourally that he's going to devastate you by killing himself.
So, Bonaque, no he does NOT 'always take his meds'. Taking them means not deliberately subverting their efficacy straight afterwards. And nor can he love you, certainly not as equally as or more than he loves himself. Did he, he wouldn't keep choosing to put alcohol into his medicated system when he already knows full well, that what tends to result in terms of his grossly inappropriate conduct towards females and needling and one-up-manship towards males, directly threatens his one good thing - his relationship. *That* is the point of play he deserves this criticism over because that is when he does have the choice to remain lucid and self-controlled rather than descend to behaving obnoxiously, but opts by his actions for the latter.
Only he knowingly opens that gate. And only he chooses repeatedly to walk through it despite also knowing what could happen on the other side and the wholly likely consequences.
In other words, bipolar is not automatic carte blanche to behaving like an a*sehole all over the person you supposedly hold most dear and then doing nothing to remedy it or ensure it can't happen ever again. 'Let me behave as I wish and get clean away with it by blaming Bipolar, or the puppy gets it!' is what nutshells what you've just described.
A non-manipulative, non-spoiled person will not suddenly become manipulative and spoiled when under the influence, either of an uncontrollably self-manufactured chemical brain state, a deliberately medically-induced counter-one or a self-created one. Someone who has that habitual propensity in him already, on the other hand, will.
You already know this is true, because it's why you asked for a tiny break in which to consider, i.e. find the courage to decide on ways in which to at least protect yourself (if he won't do that job himself nor let anyone help him to).
No, he did NOT glean from your tone that it was over already. Your message was perfectly clear in meaning. That was his over-exaggerated excuse to commence punishing you. For not just laying back and taking his nonsense.
Don't blame his bipolar. Bipolar or not, this guy is not yet mature and wise enough to be anyone's serious relationship partner, and THAT is the problem here.
I agree you should go on the cruise anyway. (Take a friend instead?) That way, for once he'll be made to suffer his own consequences and might think twice before reaching for the antidote to his psychological restrainers.