Am I just spinning my wheels?
Okay guys i really appreciate the help, i got something else on my mind... me and my guy have been together for a little over two years and we have a fourteen month old little girl. Its like any other relationship, we have our ups and downs, but im beginning to wonder if the bad outweighs the good. I work and take care of the bills, he hasnt had a job in over a yr. Not that that's a problem, because he watches our baby while i wrk so no daycare cost. But he likes to drink, a little too much i think, its not everyday but when it starts there's no stopping it. We aruge when he drinks and i hate to say but i has got physical. I dont like him when he drinks because it's like he turns into someone else. He only thinks about himself and he never can see it when he sobers up. Im not the only person who says this bit he gets defensive either way.
My problem is i dont feel like he cares about my feelings. No matter wht we argue about he flips it to be about me, even when i have a problem with something he has done. He never is wrong in his book. Then he wont compromise at all about his drinking no matter how i tell him i feel... i love him and i want to make this work for us and our little one but i dont know how much more of this i should be willing to take, or should i lighten up and let him be a man as he says...
No he's not the man he says he is. What sort of man drinks too much, argues to the extent to where his relationship becomes physical in front of his 14 month old daughter? You need to realize that if he changes when he drinks then that's the real person you're seeing because alcohol doesn't lie. If he can't recognise that his drinking behavior has a negative effect on his family and his relationship, then alcohol is becoming a real issue which could lead to further complications.
Its' serious enough that you have a partner with a selfish attitude; relationship counseling may assist you there, but if his drinking doesn't have a stop button once he starts, (and assuming he drinks at home by himself) then he will have to solve that issue himself with you looking on. You also need to determine if he is 100% happy being a house Dad or would he prefer to work and do these things trigger his drinking?...or he just plain happy to sit at home and drink??
Importantly, you need to realize that alcohol, when abused, hurts those who are the closest to those who abuse it and this is what you are going through at the moment. It doesn't really matter how much you want it to work,..if he continues to behave the way he does with little or no concern for the consequences, you may well find yourself making some hard decisions concerning the welfare of your daughter and yourself.
You got sucker punched. Two months after the child was born, he loses his job and starts drinking, and starts beating his wife. He is...the man.
Don't tell me he's not an opportunist. It does happen quite a bit. When the wife can get away, they're puppy dogs. When the wife can't leave without hurting their own child, they're monsters. He doesn't care about your feelings, he doesn't care about his own child's feelings, he only cares about his own feelings, which is the definition of a monster.
Did he drink before marriage? Did he show any signs of this lack of feelings except for himself prior to marriage? As soon as the woman is trapped, uh, oh.
It happened with me with my wife soon after our child was born. It then became like two dogs in a pit. So, I have an idea what you're going through. I stayed because of the child and the house we were buying. 29 years of hell, but I stayed.