My partner keeps telling me how beautiful other women are
This may sound silly but it's driving me MAD. I have a wonderful partner , we love each other very much and are getting married this year. But my partner has this habit of talking about how beautiful other women are and it really winds me up.
I never do this to him, obviously I notice attractive men or I like certain goodlooking males but I never point it out to him as I find it disrespectful. He even repeatedly tells me how stunning his first ever girlfriend was. When he talks about another woman he'll say stuff like "she was an absolute stunner" or "she's a beautiful girl" I mean, seriously ...WTF???
I have spoken to him about it and told him it makes me feel inferior and not good enough. Now he's started quickly adding "But you're the most beautiful woman in the world" or , sometimes showing me pics of women in some nice lingerie claiming he thinks they look like me, when they blatantly look nothing like me!
The thing is, it really winds me up, and I have mentioned it several times to him but he still carries on saying these things. I find it totally disrespectful and demeaning, has anyone got any advice? Am I overreacting?
Winds you up? Aim, Fire, BULLSEYE! It's supposed to, in other words. He's trying to knock your confidence, no doubt because confidence is key to attracting would-be male competitors (which men, who spot and approach/pick up women all the time, know full well). If your 'wet weekend' eyes are constantly on him, or, whenever he's not with you, your mind - worrying about whether he's got it in him to ever wander over to 'someone better-looking' - then, you're not noticing all the male eyes on *you* and can't ever get given the opportunity 'trade him in for a better model'.
So he's projecting. It's HE who feels inadequate (either in himself or up against you). And this is his attempt to level that particular playing field.
It *is* disrespectful. They may not be *aware* it is (because they're not considering things from your end), but who cares, anyway? If someone that normally makes you feel cared for ever continually stands on your toe in their hobnails and you yell 'OWW!' but they STILL don't immediately remove their foot in reaction (or remove it, only to do it again once the dust has settled), then you know that whatever it is they wish to achieve by causing you that pain or discomfort strikes them as far more important or urgent.
It doesn't matter whether he adds that backtrack, the message is still "You have competition all over the shop so don't ever relax, now, will you".
So what you're left with is this: "Yes, dear, absolutely, dear" with the mouth and "Pff - NO?!" with the actions.
Actually, you're *under*-reacting. Without even mentioning the pending marriage, you should tell him you don't want to spend time with him unless and until he puts a lid on that nonsense.
And in future if he feels insecure, he should damn well learn to SAY SO - NICELY. It's then up to you to 'show your stuff' when it comes to making him feel wanted and secure (commensurate with his doing his own rowing in that there little love-boat).
Summary: he thinks you're absolutely drop-dead gorgeous ERGO (male thinking) so must every other bloke on the planet, ergo he's not safe, ergo, rather than be stuck like glue to you 24/7 (not do-able) with his territorial arm around your shoulders whilst giving other blokes in the room "the evils", it's easier (no, it's not, as we see!) to deal with the problem VIA YOU.
I believe he knows exactly what he's doing, showing you pics of other woman in lingerie claiming they look like you is very passive/aggressive and shows he's incentive to you and your feelings,especially since you've made it clear how this makes you feel. And no you're not over reacting.
His stupid fake comments "but you're the most beautiful woman in the world" is disingenuous (as if you're that stupid not to see through this).
Remember anything after the word "BUT" is bull. This guy is a womanizer and has no shame in his behavior. All men "look" it their nature,I have never met a man who constantly points out what he likes under the disguise of "looking at woman in lingerie because they look like you" and has the need to point it out is either done to be mean/ or done deliberately to effect your self esteem. Or is he just being an idiot.. Address now or it will continue in yur marriage.
SOULMATE: The "what/and how he did this was clear" thanks for explaining the "Why" I only saw this as him being disrespectful/insensitive but I failed to see this as "His inadequacies" I see it now! very insightful as always..
You do have good advice above, but can I say my wife and I have always commented both ways in terms of !he is handsome" or "she is a cracker". Simple really.
OK I took it much further and was unfaithful many times but long before that and since that is all over we still pass the same comments, or suggest it to each other.
HABIT of. KNOWS it winds her up. She never does it to HIM. REPEATEDLY TOLD him it makes her feel bad.
C didn't ever ask you to please stop because it hurt. If she had, you would have. Diff/all the diff.
It depends, as ever, on context. No-one can say for sure at this stage whether he 100% appreciates how deeply it hurts her feelings yet still goes ahead and does it regardless, versus is merely that bit too unaware of its impact. That's the point of making a stand, zipping one's repeatedly, ineffectually beseeching lips and instead meting out an actual deterrent-style punishment: to ensure he CAN'T any longer claim ignorance as would allow him to do it again (whether or NOT his ignorance is partly down to PRG72 not having made her feelings clear enough by his cloth-eared standards). Because if he DOES ever do it again, despite now perfectly capable of understanding what a drip-drip style dealbreaker it is to her, then PRG72 has got him bang to rights and can dump *now*, rather than later, what has categorically proven himself (in the dating context and when judged by her standards of better etiquette) a dud.
It's the acid test.
Ummm.this is just my two cents but to
Me anyone doing that must feel insurecure
You said you love each other very much so breaking up over that might be silly but then again if it don't change can you see your self living for ever with someone that finds his eyes falling for other girls to me that would be someone I would be able to trust anywhere