Cheating from both ends
I was in a relationship which lasted about 10-11 months and then ended because my partner says that i cheated. Agreed i did and i did not disclose the fact that i had done that, my partner got to know from someone else who apparently i am not told about. All things said and done we still talked and do at times now as well but my partner shouts at me and shows a lot of anger as and when they fell like. I only have one thing to say that We shouldn't talk to each other like this because its bad on our part and i personally hate fighting with my partner.
I want to say that my partner also cheated on me and i was told about this in the 8th or the 9th month of my relationship which was after my partner had a clear hint that i cheated as well. My partner went up to the extent of being physically involved with that person and also told me that when it happened it was under the influence of alcohol but i know for a fact my partner was completely completely fine. I was told in detail everything that happened and was also told that had my partner didn't have to leave cuz of some family related work, more would have happened then.
My partner cheated in the initial months of the relationship as explained above and i cheated about halfway into it but my partner claims that i cheated well after 5-6 months and we had gotten close to each other till then. Agreed we were much closer than what we were initially when she cheated in the initial months, but my partner treats me very badly because of that and calls me a liar. My partner expected an apology from my side and i did everything possible to apologize. But my partner never apologized even once for their mistake and always calls me the reason for our break-up.
I want to know that what do you think we should do and agreed I was wrong but is it just my mistake? Don't want an apology from my partner but I really want to know.
I do think if both of you truly care about each other still, you may be able to work this out and move on from it. Counseling sometimes helps, but open and honest discussions on both sides will really help the most. You could go round and round (back and forth) with the "who cheated first", but its not going to help in all honesty. I agree you should avoid arguments when you can, because fighting will only worsen the (already) hurt feeling you both are holding about this cheating. Even apologies won't help much; other than being truly sorry for any hurt that was caused from/by this, and the trust that was broken. I think you could build up trust again and learn from the past, but your partner would have to own up to what they have done, as well, which it doesn't sound as your partner has from what I'm reading.
I've been thru the same thing and if BOTH of u aren't willing to handle it like adults and truly forgive and move on then it will go back and forth forever...both of u have to accept it and decide if u can get past it...if u can move on and rebuild trust it can be great but very difficult