My girlfriend's sex drive has diminished
Hi, first off, I'm not sure if this belongs here, however I have such an specific issue that it would be hard to find a specific area. So, here it goes... I am a 28 year old guy from Puerto Rico and I have a girlfriend which is 35. Here's the issue. I am very confused and desperate, because for the first 2 months (we've been together for almost five) the sex was normal, nothing too great or too bad. However in the past month we have only "been together" 3 times, and I wanted to know what was going on. So I talked to her, she told me that sex is not important to her... Which makes me confused about the first months in the relationship and we had more intimate encounters. I am posting this here because I would like to help her in any way I can, I really love her but I am very confused... Thanks for any help...
OK first off you are in the right place for this subject. Now as far as your problem goes, there could be a lot of reasons for her lack of intimacy. Seeing as how I don't know her I can only guess at this point.
I'm 35 as well and I can tell you my labido has only gone up. For most of us women at our age it does. Our sex drive is at an all time high in our mid 30s.
So that being said, there could be a number of things wrong. Maybe she has pain during or dryness. Maybe she has a hormonal issue. And not to say this is the reason but maybe it could be she's not that in to you. Which I hope that is not the case.
What you need to do is really talk to her. Tell her what you're feeling. Ask her why the lack of sex all of a sudden. Because sex does matter in a relationship. Its not the most important but it does matter.
Once you get to the bottom of the real issue then you can go from there. I hope this helped in any way. Good luck.
Thanks for the reply, Angelina. I think it must be a hormonal issue or either she is not that into me. I have been very considerate in the bedroom. I always enjoy giving her oral, also foreplay is very important to me, but since she doesn't like kissing it is mostly "manual stimulation" on my part, which confuses me, because she is very "moist" during the foreplay stage. I am really confused by this behavior, but Ihave to state that this is my first time living together with someone, so there are many things I don't understand or have not experienced yet...
You have got to talk with her. Nothing will resolve itself. I had a friend back in high school and she hated kissing too. I never did understand that. That's my favorite part! Everyone is different I guess. I just don't see a women moving in with a guy she's not that into. That doesn't make sense either. Like I said I don't know her.
Just talk to her. You have to communicate to make this work.
Thanks. I will do that. I forgot to mention that she is not very affectionate, not even to her kids, but the first month of the relationship, she was different, more affectionate towards me. I think everything changed once I moved in with her. I live at her house btw...
Well maybe it was different at first because it was shiny and new. Most relationships are like that. They start off hot and heavy but then back off signifagantly once the " new" wears off. Happens all the time. I realize that men are a lot more physical than us girls. Maybe try to take her out one night and woo her. Tell her how you're feeling. Don't forget to tell her how sexy she is. We like that. I don't know man lol. I haven't had sexbwith my guy since June. So 3 or 4 times a month sounds damn good to me right now. Don't read too much into this either. It may just be the kind of girl she is.
Take it from someone who is in a marriage where sex doesn't happen much... It's horrible. Sexual incompatibility is a serious thing. It's extra shitty when you thought that your partner liked sex and then it starts disappearing.
End the relationship. I know that's extreme difficult. It will hurt. You'll be labeled as selfish and shallow and a fucking asshole, but you're not. Sex is not everything, but is a crucial element of a relationship.
Most guys don't like to hear this but the truth is sex begins before you hit the bedroom for a woman.
If she is a 35 year old mother, I would bet that she is knackered most days from looking after the kids and the house. She is probably doing in in her pjs or a robe, covered in other peoples crap, and now (no offence meant here) she has you to clean up after too. To her she is tired, put out a little bit, and probably not feeling very confident with herself.
At the start she was all over you because you made her feel wanted. You showed up...a younger guy who was in to her, accepted her, and she felt wanted and desirable.
I would guess she just needs that feeling again.
Tell her how much you want her, even if that means you wont be getting sex immediately. The more she hears how attractive she is to you,the more she will be ''in the mood''.
But don't try getting sex if she has had a sick kid all day, the house is a mess, she's bringing in a load of groceries, and has yoga tonight. That is just setting yourself up to be shot down.