What would you do?
Ive been with the same man for almost 7 years now. he has always been the type to lie and the truth only comes to surface if i do detective work and confront him of my findings. he will only admit to what i find ..nothing more ..or he will say i am wrong and what i saw with my own eyes and on a web cam was false and he wont even come close to admission of guilt by that point. well we were arguing over the same crap as usual.. him hiding his stuff, sleeping fully clothed with his cell phone in his pockets etc etc ...and i am very very tired of hearing .."its mine , i aint hiding anything and i dont do anything wrong " well fed up i said " Ok im gonna give you 2 choices...1. let me see your phone .. 2. end our relationship right now.. he said "hell no im not letting you see my phone, even though there isnt anything to hide its just i shouldnt have to chose" so i said " ok..its your choice, i hope you realize that our relationship ended because you chose to protect your principals and stay proud standing your ground instead of letting me feel like you and i are together and that i mean more to you than a cell phone. ' letting me see his phone would have allowed me to feel like i was only being insecure and that i could actually trust him more because he was letting me in his secret world..i think asa couple you should feel as if you are the other ones 1st priority.. if one feels like they need you to show them you are trustworthy after they had done so many things that killed trust to begin with then you should do anything it takes for the other one to begin trusting you again..even if that means being an open book! cell phones and all
You really don't need to check your partner's phone if your relationship is healthy. After 7 years, it should be a given that you share everything together and this is where trust is developed, nurtured and maintained. Your partner shouldn't have a secret world, rather, after that length of time, you guys shouldn't have any secrets from each other.
Your relationship didn't end because your partner chose not to react to your ultimatum that way you needed him to, rather it ended at the very moment when he decided that you weren't his priority. When you give ultimatums in personal relationships, you are basically prepared to move on, because you've finished negotiating and you've had enough. If your partner's many past actions have killed the trust of your relationship, then you're correct, it's up to him to regain that trust using actions, but if he chooses not to, then you need to follow through with your ultimatum without looking back.
It's his opinion if he feels he's done nothing wrong and he's hiding nothing but it's your choice to see him for what/who he is. Rather than lecture him about his 'principles', you need to use that energy to move on and find someone who will put you on a pedestal and someone who shares and respects your values and standards.
There's no way in the world that you could feel together or you could feel secure, if you have always had to play detective to find the truth about his actions which initially undermined your relationship together.