I want to move out but I'm not sure what to do
My mom died in March 2014, a couple months before I graduated high school. She owned a house but I've still had to make mortgage payments. She didn't have a will. I've had a job at the local library since the beginning of that school year, so 2.5 years now, 10 hours a week. The house is a duplex, and my mom had a renter on the other side. He had been paying rent to help with the mortgage, and my overall income was $900. My boyfriend graduated a year after me, and we've also been together for 2 years (our anniversary is in 6 days ^.^). I encouraged him to get a job because he kept feeling guilty about me paying for everything, and he's been working at a fast-food restaurant for 1.5 years, 20-25 hours a week.
His mother has been pretty supportive. She let me stay at her house with my bf indefinitely because it was too quiet and lonely at my house to stay sane. But I wanted independence, not comfort, and my bf wanted privacy and quiet. While he was still in school, we made a slow transition into my house. By the time he graduated we would only be at his family's house 1 night a month or so. I was paying bills fine, but he has 2 problems with his money: He likes spending it, and he's too nice. Ever since he got his job his mom stopped asking me for money and started asking him. This was ok, she supports a lot of people.
Then in May of last year, without warning, the mortgage was raised by $100. So now it was $800 a month, leaving $100-$250 for utilities, food, etc. Another thing that had been happening was that my neighbor/renter was going insane. He believed that there was a girl in my house that planted mics and cameras onto his side, and kept whispering through the wall to him while I was away. He was really passive aggressive before he finally told me what he thought. I've tried helping him and talking to him more but he always thinks I'm lying or am meaning things I don't say. So when I started running out of saving to try and keep up with the mortgage payments, I eventually stopped asking him for rent money.
More Relevant Backstory:
In July, just before I gave up on the mortgage, my bf and I were in a car crash. He was mostly fine but I had to be taken to the emergency room. We both had to call off work for about a week, and since it wasn't our fault we went to chiropractor appointments for 4 months. I didn't make enough money that month to pay the mortgage or the electric, so "I've" been in default since then and the electric was shut off. We couldn't live there anymore, so we had to move back in with his family.
First, it was to be nice to us. Then after a month, his mom started needing a lot of money because we ate food and used electricity there. Then a couple months later, she realized we weren't contributing and included us in the weekly chores, even though we looked after ourselves and only make a mess in his room, which we clean. Then we weren't contributing enough, and when she took my bf's entire paycheck and spent it on gas and junkfood, she needed some of my money as well. Meanwhile his 2 younger sisters (on of which has a child of her own) constantly belittle him, call him lazy, stupid, and disrespectful, and constantly try to tell their mom that he is all these things, and doesn't do enough.
As of now, I am not grateful for his mother's help. She has given him rides to and from work and offered us a warm place to stay, but everything else that we have benefited from we could have had if we were on our own. If she hadn't been taking his entire paycheck every time he gets paid, we could have saved up enough money to move out before December.
He and I are searching for apartments. Together we make the same income as I myself had made before (with rent payments), and the rent of the places around here is much cheaper than what I was paying for mortgage for about 2 years. I have $700 or so in Savings, and I have a $500 check from the mortgage company which was an incomplete payment before. We also have settlements from the car crash (though I don't know when we'll get them), and his is a bit over $1,000 so far and he wasn't even badly hurt. My neighbor said it would take at least 2 years for the foreclosure process to be complete on the house, but I want to make haste in case he is wrong.
I'm not sure what I'm asking for. I know this is what he and I want, but he's so afraid that we're going to sink and I don't blame him. Sure, we're spending as much here as we would on our own but at least if we didn't have as much to give we wouldn't lose anything. I just don't have anyone to talk to about this except him, and he feels more lost than I do.
Hey, Nice post may have missed some details though.. So before I give an opinion which is just that ... how old are both of you... and how much do you make together .. I got lost on the exact amount as this is important.. as well what part of the country do you live in.. as some states are expensive than others..I also get why you are wanting to get out of living with his mom because that is never cool and women need to have a place for themselves! " as in not with another women...a.k.a. mom"
Sounds like this place might be fake.. Your grammar and way of writing seem too professional unless you are not from America.. I would say you are acting like the opposite of a SIMP and your BF FFF is taking advantage you need to split things at least equal and you should not be supporting his habbits.. I hope you have goals as well as him and look into a career otherwise you will always be dealing with these struggles. Plus if you live together you are probably having sex.. that leads to a child.. on his income that is not going to work well for you so keep that in mind. I would make sure this guy is worth failing with before you move in together.. Will he be responsible and pay his way or are you going to be stuck always having to sacrifice and pay all the bills.
He just turned 20, I'll be that old this March as well. Together in Ohio we make a bit over $900 a month - I make $300, he makes around $600. Sorry I wasn't clear on that earlier, I didn't really want to involve numbers into this. But apartments here are pretty cheap, supposedly the average is much higher that what's in my city. I don't see why you'd think this might be fake, I just wanted to be clear and for others to understand my situation before saying something
Also I hate typos with a passion.
The way I had this planned was we'd use his income for rent and/or utilities, and my money for food, bus fare, hygiene, etc.. He may be the one who earns more but we both kinda agreed that I'd be the one managing the money since I'm calculating and budgeting all the time. Neither of us could get a student loan for college last year because my credit was bad (nothing major, I was just using most of my credit line for a few months), he has no credit, and his mom has horrible credit. But he is very supportive of me and he'd be happy if I went even if he couldn't.
As for the possibility of a baby, or whether he's worth failing with.. I'm honestly not sure. We're very careful with the 1st thing, but he doesn't have a high stress tolerance with the 2nd thing. Just thinking about this stuff too much gives him panic attacks sometimes. But on my own I'd go insane and start seeing things and get depressed, so it's seemingly impossible for me to succeed without him, or at least someone. I don't have any friends, or I wouldn't be turning to the web for help, haha.
I'm sorry I write so much =/