Caught sending sex texts
I have been with my partner for 5 years and we have a son. We have been having a rocky relationship for some years mainly due to financial pressures and the stress of renovations to our home.
When we first started going out I was contacted by an ex-girlfriend and we exchanged texts including photos, I was caught and after deleting the girls number and begging for another chance we continued on.
In November last year we split after continually arguing, as a result of which my partner took our child and left our home, I contacted my ex as i needed somebody to chat to having no-one else and feeling, frankly, that my world was about to end. As a result of this converstation (and thats all it was) she had my new telephone number. Even during the split I never contacted my ex or had any other contact.
In June this year i received a text from the ex who i spoke to in November and i asked her to send me a "hot" picture. My partner at that time were back together but still having counselling.
I then forgot about this incident and that was it I never pursued the matter further or have spoken/texted this ex since June.
Just last week my partners phone broke so I dug out this old phone and gave it to her to use, needless to say she found the picture that had been sent and the sex texts which had been sent and received.
She has left me again and says thatI have betrayed her trust to the point she will never ever trust me again.
Ok so I appreciate that what I have done is awful but was done (in June) at a moment of utter madness, she wont accept this and when i think of what we are losing in our home and breaking up the family she will not entertain ever the slimmest chance of trying to sort things out.
Am i a fool for fighting for our relationship, I had no physical contact with my ex and only the incidents at the start of my relationship and in June were sex texts, I am beside myself and dont know where to turn, i love this woman (despite all the difficult and hard times we have had) i think what I have done is monumentally bad but has been limited to 2 incidents and a phone call I have and never would have cheated physically with another person even thought we have no sex life to speak of
I think that when you were first contacted by your ex, you should have let your partner know ahead of time about the fact that you were talking with her, especially if you two were just friends. If your partner knows about most of the friends you have, then this one should not have been different. The fact that she had to catch you doing it set up a situation where she could not trust you and affected how much she trusted you later on. Plus, the person is an ex, so that made it even more uncomfortable. Even if the conversations were innocent, you still could have said something about it. Of course, if the conversations were sexually explicit in a way that you know your partner would not like, then those texts were inappropriate, and that is a form of betrayal because that should be communication that only your partner should have with you. When you received the text in June, you should have told the ex you can't talk to her or that you could talk to her only in certain ways out of respect for your partner. A third option would have been to delete anything sent from her as soon as you received it. You two were back together and in counseling, so you had no business asking your ex for a "hot picture." You forgot about it though, so there was not much you could do about it, and it is unfortunate that your partner broke up with you over it. I think that your partner, in actuality, did not break up with you for that. I think when she saw the text from June, feelings of mistrust that she had before came flooding back to her along with other feelings about the problems you two have had. Before she broke up with you again, were you two going through more problems or had things been okay until then? If you do want to get back with her, you will need to give her space for a while, but I would encourage you two to try to get more resolved through counseling. Even if you can't have a relationship with her right now, at least be on speaking terms. It will be very hard for you to get her back. You can fight for the relationship, but it may require some time before she thinks about making up. There is a chance that she may never get back with you, but at least do what you can not to lose her for good. You want to say at the end of the day you did everything you could. Good luck. TILES
I know that the only thing I can do is to give her space, it was a stupid moment of madness and it looks like she will never want to reconcile.
Before the texts were found we had been having a much improved time, we were both looking forward to Christmas and the next year to try and enjoy things as a family.
I have arranged to speak to our former counsellor to see if she can help me to start again as despite the amount of time my parter has things are pretty much done and i have to do whats best for our son in the long run even if that means I wont always be with him like a proper family
Thanks for your reply