Secrets in a relationship
I will begin by telling the story from the beginning to give some insight on the history of the relationship. You can skip to the star (*) to see the actual problem.
My relationship with him began after I broke up with my ex, who is now my best friend. I usually know right away if people have feelings for me, but this time I didn't know. He sent terribly mixed signals and the fact that we lived in different states and have never really seen each other made it more difficult.
I eventually got my thoughts together and told him I loved him thinking that I got nothing to lose. Surprisingly for me, he said he feels the same way. Later on we started dating. We dated for two months during which I was getting really upset because he made no effort to communicate with me or open up to me, all my efforts failed because of that and I felt like he didn't love me.
In the end I asked if we could just go back to being friends and he said yes. It "broke my heart" because I came to thinking he never really loved me and just thought that it was going to be fun.
I didn't want to talk to him but couldn't say no because I was the one who asked to be friends. I tried playing mind games, that never worked on him, trying to get him to want to stop talking to me. I was still in love with him and felt absolutely horrible and depressed by that point. I eventually just told him not to talk to me anymore and he didn't.
We didn't talk for a month until I texted him and we went back to talking like we usually did. At one moment I asked him about what happened and he ended up telling me he never lied to me, he loved me and still does which startled me and I didn't know what to do. That was the end of August.
For some time I did not complain about anything. I appreciated every minute of his time that he spared for me during his day. He mostly talked to me once in 3 days, but I didn't dare to throw a fit over that no matter how upset I was. I didn't feel like I had the right to do that for various reasons like the fact that we were not dating.
Our fights were never really fights but just me complaining and getting upset while he pulled excuses out of thin air as to why he didn't reply to me for 2 days. He never fought me or got mad at me or at least I never knew about it. But I felt like he was hiding his emotions from me.
Not too long ago I found out he has brothers. He never mentioned them. One of his brothers texted me from his phone all day pretending to be him until he finally told me who he was. For all intents and purposes we will call the guy John, and his brother Rick. Rick did not disclose any information but said that John really cares for me and left. Next day I asked John about his brothers and he suddenly got mad. I did not say that Rick was the one who texted (there were obviously more brothers). I asked questions which he refused to answer. All he told me was that his brothers hurt people and he doesn't want them to hurt me.
Later I asked again and tried to be persistent but John just got mad, hung up on me and didn't talk to me for 2 days which made me furious. He then told me that he is not ready to talk about his secret. Last weekend thought he told me he has 3 brothers and told me their names and order in which they were born.
I am not sure what to do. It feels like that is not the only secret he is hiding. Some of the things just don't make sense, like Rick, while pretending to be John, not only had the exact same manner of texting but made statements that only John should have known about. Then there is also the fact that they both made it sound like John hates his brothers but somehow they know about me like if they had a good relationship. There are just small things like that which seem suspicious. I need an advice on what to do. Should I get him to tell me?
If I were you, I would play it cool as much as you can. He doesn’t want to talk about his brothers, and there may be a LOT more going on than you know. It seems like a waiting game to me. The question is, do you feel it is worth the wait? It has to be very frustrating for you. I mean, look…Worst case scenario is that you are being toyed with. Best case scenario is that John just wants to make sure you aren’t going to hurt him. He may have been through a lot, and he or his brothers want to “test” you in a sense. It may have to do with his past. Who knows. Good luck to you.