How can I love someone so much, who clearly doesnt love me back?
Ill try to make this short, but please read the whole thing. I really need advice.
I met Josh back in August of 2015. He seemed perfect. We would talk on facebook all day long, and then later texted each other all day everyday. He was incredibly goodlooking, funny, and gave me constant attention. He was also very open about his past with the mother of his child, *Kayla. He told me that they dated for 6 years, and that they both cheated on each other and always fought and that he had moved back and forth between two states multiple times when she asked him to, only to get his heart broken over and over. At this point, he told me that he was over her and that he just wanted to see his son as much as possible, although he lived a few hours away from them. Josh and I got really close. He seemed to be everything I wanted in a man and we had a lot in common. About a month after meeting him, Kayla found out that he and I were talking and thats when everything changed.
She wanted him back, and this confused him. He was torn between moving things along with me and trying to get his family back. Now, from that point until now, a lot happened between Josh and I. I'll sum it up: Josh would tell me not to contact him anymore because he wanted to work on his family, but days later would text me telling me that he missed me. And that happened many times. He would spend days at a time at my apartment, and then disappear for a few days and ignore me. Then pop back up and tell me he loved me. I knew he was still talking to Kayla, but I thought that if i could just be there for him, if i could just love him more, he would want to be with me. I told him multiple times that if he wanted to be with Kayla, I would walk away. But he always said that he couldnt trust her and that he was trying to get over her. I mean, he was physically with me (she lived in another state) We hung out all the time. We went on "dates". He went to my families Thanksgiving and dinners with my friends. I even bought all of his sons Christmas gifts because Josh couldnt afford it. I was completely committed to him, even though I knew he wasnt committed to me. He told me that he had to stay on Kaylas good side because he did not want her to bring him to court for back child support. I thought it was a lame excuse, but I didnt want to fight with him and lose him. I knew that when he went into the bathroom, he was texting her. And it broke my heart every time. At this point, Ive realized who Josh really is. Hes a liar. He constantly lied to me about his and kaylas relationship, just as he lied to her about talking to me. I couldnt trust him at all. He used me. I always gave him money (because he didnt really work besides side work). I paid my bills late if i had to just to make sure that Josh had cigarettes, gas, food, anything. I was spending money on things I never would (like a PS3). Im a 23 year old woman working two jobs to be able to pay my bills, and here he comes and takes advantage of the fact that I genuinely loved him. I literally would do anything for him.
My question is: How come I find it so hard to leave Josh when all hes done for me is hurt me? He has literally done NOTHING for me besides break my heart over and over. And when I finally do walk away, he comes back around and apologizes and tells me he really loves me and wants to make it work. It isnt fair. Kayla once again found out that Josh and I were talking, and he completely threw me under the bus. He told her I was obsessed with him, that I was stalking him, and that I was lying about him and I being together. He said so many hurtful things. But, the next day he told me he loved me. Of course. Like he always does. He even admitted that hes a chronic liar. He doesnt know how to tell the truth. And ive learned that the hard way, but I cant seem to shake my love for him. I dont talk to other guys because I know itll make josh upset. Ive abandoned my girl friends because he seems to always come around when I have plans, so I stopped making them so i was available for him. I HATE how much I love him. Right now, Josh and I are not talking. He told me that he does love me, but needs space to get his life on track. I am incredibly depressed because i miss him so much. I want to call him, I want to see him, I want to be with him. And i know that even after all the drama that hes brought to my life, no matter how much time goes by, Ill always pick up the phone for him. Ill always be there. And it scares me. How can I love someone so much, and him not love me at all? Because I KNOW you cant treat someone the way he treats me, and love them. What can I do?!
If i were you i would just change my number block his number and move and try to avoid all contact with him he clearly doesn't love you he's just using you and you deserve better than someone who is going to cheat and lie to you. I hope this helps.
I second that,go no contact give yourself time and space to remember and feel how his actions are hurting you so you can decide enoughs enough.
I do feel you need to try for a conversation with this kayla because as you say he's lying to her too so you two need to get together to rid both your lives of this infection.x