I think my religious BF of 7 months is not so subtly trying to convert me
So my boyfriend is a Seventh Day Adventist and I am agnostic.
He pursued me relentlessly when we first met, I really didn't want a boyfriend and I was very against dating someone religious. Not because I have anything again people with different views, I just know that relationship wise it often doesn't work.
I voiced this opinion to him from the start saying that whilst he says it's not an issue now, at some point down the track I fear he will give me an ultimatum.
Another way we've been different from the start is that I have no desire whatsoever to EVER get married. Whereas he is adamant that he will, for Jesus' sake or whatever... Whenever we discuss the matter he gets really upset with me, despite the fact that I told him from day one that I would never be his perfect, Christian wife. It's just not who I am.
Anyway, fast forward to the present and today he took me to see his church pastor for premarital relationship counselling >:( I was so opposed to the idea but was guilted into going. We're only 26, we've only been together for 7 months and IM NOT CHRISTIAN. And now he expects me to go to another church meeting on Saturday.
Whilst I don't share his world views, I never bad mouth them, nor do I ever try and shove my ideals down his throat.
We do live together and are talking about doing an overseas trip this year but hell, am I right to be reconsidering?
I feel like despite what he said to me in the beginning, he will always be subtly trying to change me. And it's offensive.
Is there any point in pursuing this relationship further? Because I'm clearly not enough the way I am .... :(
Quite simply, if you don't want or have the need to be his perfect Christian wife, then don't be. The same applies to forced counseling against your will. He has no respect for you and your opinions if he tries to get you to jump through his personal belief hoops in his efforts to convert you to where his religion needs you to be. Your post doesn't mention your love for him, what attracts you to him or what keeps you with him, it only outlines his behavior and the length of time you have been together.
You're correct in every way when you state he doesn't have any right to change you because he needs to accept you just the way you are and until he understands this, he will continue to try and change you and heads up, he has been trying to change you from day one. You guys live together; how does that tie in with his beliefs and his church?
Realistically, you need to weigh up what keeps you 'there' and what you expect from a caring relationship where each others opinions and views are acknowledged and respected. At the end of the day, given that he's religious, he has no right to pursue some one who he knows is agnostic and frankly, you, at the beginning, should have stood your ground and told him politely where to go.
It's not so much about you fearing that he will give you an ultimatum, rather, after 7 months, you are the one who should be giving an ultimatum to him. Forget you not being enough for him, instead, find yourself someone who will love and respect you wholeheartedly without trying to control you.