PeoplesProblems Logo

Confused over lack of feelings for great girl

Default profile image
I'll try to be concise as possible here. I've been seeing this girl for around 4 months, and actually in a relationship for 1 month of that time. I started seeing her fairly shortly after I broke up with my first real girlfriend of 9 months, who I was totally in love with at the time. For whatever reason, recently I have felt extremely flat in general, but in particular towards my relationship with current girl. She isn't perfect, but is a lot 'better for me' than previous girlfriend. She's the same age as me and we're both independent people so she is really understanding of me wanting to do my own things not be with her 24/7 which I love. However for whatever reason I can't seem to draw up any real feelings for her. I do enjoy her company but I don't feel a real urge to see her like I did my previous girlfriend. In my last relationship, I felt that elusive 'spark' that people refer to. This girl clicked instantly, we shared the exact same sense of humour and had great sexual chemistry. However for many reasons I won't go into I suddenly fell out of love with her and began to resent her so I decided to end it. Now with my current girlfriend I haven't had this spark at all. We have fun together and laugh, but no where near as much as last time, and the sex is better everytime we see each other. My current girlfriend is an international student, and while not fluent, speaks a good level of English in that we never have trouble understanding each other. The only gripe, which I think is the thing weighing on my mind most, is just humour. She has lived here for several years and obviously understands our mannerisms and jokes but it just isn't the same. I just don't feel like I have a lot of fun when I'm with her, it's nice and enjoyable, but I'm not crying with laughter. To sum up, my question is basically should I end the relationship or is this the potential foundations for me to build on into a real lasting relationship. I've heard many cases of people who didn't fall in love until a year into their relationship and it went the distance, and I feel like it's POSSIBLE, however at the moment I'm quite withdrawn and I'm being a little distant towards her which isn't unfair. I feel like typing all this and questioning it is my mind telling me I should end it and I'm just avoiding it to not hurt her or because I don't understand my own feelings. Thanks for reading!

Confused over lack of feelings for great girl

Default profile image
Well, I personally have an issue with this myself…What is love vs. infatuation? A “spark” with someone is not always a good thing. There could be chemistry, but that person may not be good for you in the long run. On the other hand, you may not feel instant attraction with a person, and you find that later on they would be a better match for the long-term. Your feeling could develop over time. Then, it could be that neither of these situations are good for you. But I am not here to say what is good or bad for you because I don’t know what you are looking for. Do you want the relationship you are in? What are the things you like about your girlfriend that made you decide that she should be your girlfriend? What kind of connection do you really want? Is there enough in your current relationship to keep you around to see where things could go? I would say to take your time and find out what it is you really want. Is it possible to just be friends or to tell her “I need some space to figure things out.”? Tell her you care about her and where your head is. What you don’t want to do is act one way and say another thing…I mean, that gets FRUSTRATING for a girlfriend to deal with. Alternatively, you could be silent about your feelings and wait things out to see where they develop. I don’t like that idea, but it is a possibility for you to consider. See what she wants and where she is and go from there. Regardless of what you decide to do, just make sure that if you want her in your life somewhere that you make room for her to be there.

This thread has expired - why not start your own?

B-2