Fighting off insecurities
Here is my story. Married happily (I thought so) for 25 years. Last year wife says she is thinking about leaving. Gives me a number of reasons but mostly she says it's because she needs a change in life. Her job has been sucking for a couple of years. I was gobsmacked. I vowed to be more attentive. Have made several changes in my life.
A few weeks later she said she would not leave. We went to counselling and it was an okay experience. But this whole incident brought up insecurities I didn't know I could have. For me, it was as if a light went off and I realized "Holy shit, I almost blew the best thing in my life." But there's a part of me longing to hear the same thing from her. I am more affectionate but there are times when I think why won't she come up behind me and give me a hug. Why does she only say I love you when I say it.
Or maybe I'm making too big a deal about it. I think about other couples and I don't see them being overly affectionate all the time. And maybe she wasn't like that to begin with. I have a hard time remembering. Or maybe I just need to give this time. In any case, I find I spend a whole lot of time just thinking about how she might be feeling.
Wish I could just let it be. I think sometimes she just wants me to accept all. If it helps, other things seem find. Sex is good. We don't fight. I wish I could just relax and enjoy that things are not that bad now but I keep thinking/wanting her to tell me things are better.
Yall have been married for 25 years, just ask her. If she says things aren't and you want to save your marriage, give her the change she's been looking for. Travel or something. Take a cruise. She's probably just bored and wondering what she's been doing the last 25 years of her life.
Its normal to feel insecure in a relationship,especially when you care deeply about the other person and love them so much that you want them forever. Also the fact that she felt like getting out two years ago,like you said,would contribute a lot to your insecurities. You should talk to her about it,tell her about your fears,see how she can help. I can imagine itd be by reassuring you that she does love you and that she is happy she didnt walk out because shed regret that. But even if the opposite happens, then youll know how to move from there. Its better than tolerating yourself with a bunch of what ifs . all best luck