I am a serial cheater. All my adult life I have cheated in relationships. As I reflect I am not proud but feel sad about my lack of respect for women. I am writing this because I am in a relationship with an angel but was is with the devil. We have been together for five years. Three years in our own flats and now two years living together. Finally, last year buying a house together. She is very self conscious about how people are to her as she doesn't get the respect she deserves for the things she does. I have disrespected her on many occasions but she has allowed me to stay in a relationship with her. My disrespect has been varied and in my blind, unconcerning way didn't think I'd done anything really bad.
But anyhow below is my story my girlfriend still wants me in her life, I don't want to hurt her anymore. I think I have a number of options. 1. Leave, because I haven't changed as she won't tell me to go. 2 Get help because I need it. I know I love her but I have a problem which I haven't taken seriously.
I am a cheater. I have cheated on my girlfriend twice by flirting with the same person twice over a 15 month period. 15 months ago she found a suggestive text from her to me which caused a typhoon in our flat. I persuaded her that there was nothing going on and told her I would not speak to
her again. The other woman works where I work and it is a small place, under 20 staff. I avoided her for a few months but felt that needed to tell her that my girlfriend was very upset about the text. She replied that her husband didn't think there was anything in it. I personaly. didn't think that I had done anything deeply wrong as it was only flirting. Anyhow, I began to talk with this woman again and yes began the flirt talk again.
Friday before Valentine's day, I called my girlfriend in the morning to wish her a good day, after I had dropped her off and I'd got to work, as she has been ill. I did not turn my phone off and she listened to my morning interactings with people at work. She then heard me talk to this woman. She had heard me say say "good mornig sweetheart", ask about what her husband was going to do for her Valentines and we signed off "I'll miss you" and I said "I'll miss you more". She called me before 9 to say that she had heard everything. I was gobsmacked and shaking. What had I done! I kinda felt that I still hadn't kissed or had sex with this woman therefore things could still be sorted.
My girlfriend and I had a really **** weekend (my girlfriend moreso).
My girlfriend was so angry that she cancelled our flight to America, she felt betrayed, sick from what she had heard. She felt sick from why I still talked with her and what I found so attracting about her and not her.
I hadn't thought that I had done anything deeply wrong, having sex with someone is breaking boundaries not smutty chats. But my girlfriend was deeply hurt and distraught. So after hours of tears and distress she slept and I had the hall. Whilst there I looked up 'Is flirting cheating' and by gum did I find out the feelings of many people on this. I had lied to my girlfriend, telling her that I had stopped talking to this woman and made a mug out of her eventhough she thought otherwise.
I carelessly, without thought carried on the flirting with the other woman without paying mind to the person that I really love.
Well at least you have realised you have a problem. That is the first step.
This is a very tough situation. Not only have you betrayed her trust once, but she forgave you and then you did it again.
Honestly, this would be very hard to come back from. It will take years for her to be able to trust you. She may start to feel
jealous and controlling, because she is scared it will happen again.
You really need to decide if you actually love her or just like her for now. If you really love her and think you have a problem
tell her the truth saying ''I have a problem, I have had it before I met you, but because I love you so much I want to get help for it.''
Maybe...if you are really really lucky...she will accept that and work on keeping your relationship alive.
Thank you Annieblue for your response.
She was well aware of my history before we got together but has stood by me because she loves me. I really don't want to hurt her anymore so am determined to address my behaviour before I lose everything I have with her. She is giving me so much love despite all that I have done, she is a miracle others I am sure would say she is a fool and deserves ever bad thing that I bring her, because she should have thrown me out long ago. But we are not all the same and she sees something in me and us that she wants to keep. I really want to make our life happen therefore am going to deal with my behaviour, thank you once again for responding.
(Excellent response, AnnieBlue! Hope you'll continue.)